Silicon Investor (SI) -- The First Internet Community

STOCKTALK

We've detected that you're using an ad content blocking browser plug-in or feature. Ads provide a critical source of revenue to the continued operation of Silicon Investor. We ask that you disable ad blocking while on Silicon Investor in the best interests of our community. If you are not using an ad blocker but are still receiving this message, make sure your browser's tracking protection is set to the 'standard' level.

Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Sun Tzu who wrote (9851)	5/21/1999 8:45:00 AM
From: Edwarda	Respond to of 62549

CYBER BREAK UP LETTER Dear [insert screen name here] I regret to inform you that, under a plan for the periodic removal of unpleasantness from my life, I must terminate our online affair. This termination takes effect immediately, but only because I could not make it retroactive. Below, you will find the reasons for this action: _____ While our cybersex sessions were, for the most part, competent, your constant use of “brb gotta pee” took some of the romance out of it. _____ Your use of the term “the ol' cyber ball and chain” to refer to me has hurt my feelings. _____ I've found another lover, one who knows the importance of punctuation. _____ Certain errors during cyber sessions indicate that you were less than honest: · __ You typed: “I remove my bra” when you claimed to be a man. · __ You typed: “I enter you” when you claimed to be a woman. · __ You typed your own name at the end. · __ Your supposedly original scenario, it turns out, is simply page 56 of a Jackie Collins novel. · __ Your repeated references to animals suggest that you are hiding something from me. · __ Your refusal to cyber until I submitted a recent AIDS test suggests a degree of paranoia that is, simply put, unhealthy. · __ I finally opened the file with your __ gif __ jpg __ police record. · __ I have no choice but to comply with the court orders unless I wish to face stalking charges. · __ Mommie says I need to spend less time on the computer. · __ Your mommie called me and yelled at me because of all the time you're spending on the computer. · __ I have established a more personal relationship with the Lord, and I would like to talk to you in great detail about what you can do to ensure a place in Heaven when the endtimes come. They are closer than you think. · ___ The fact that you BCC all your love letters to me leaves me feeling less than special. As in cyber cheating. · ___ I finally read your profile, and the fact that you are only 14 violates the terms of my parole. · ___ I am entering the witness protection program. Please understand, __ [screen name] and/or __ you misbegotten son of a bitch__ sir/madam __ mom/dad [for use in West Virginia], that there is nothing personal in this. We've simply grown apart. Any additional correspondence you may direct to my attorney, __ Sincerely, __ Gleefully, __ I have to go before the warden calls “lights out,” __ Uh oh, my Real Life mate is coming up the stairs, __ Good riddance, [Name or alias]

To: Sun Tzu who wrote (9851)	5/21/1999 8:55:00 AM
From: Edwarda	Respond to of 62549

An e-mail I had to share: Subject: So you think you have it bad . . . Thank goodness for the 21st century. Look at life in England in the 1500's: Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May and were still smelling pretty good by June. However, they were starting to smell, so brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the b.o. Baths equaled a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the children. Last of all the babies. By then the water was so dirty you could actually loose someone in it. Hence the saying, “Don't throw the baby out with the bath water”. Houses had thatched roofs. Thick straw, piled high, with no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the pets... dogs, cats and other small animals, mice, rats, bugs lived in the roof. When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof. Hence the saying, “It's raining cats and dogs,” There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house. This posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings could really mess up your nice clean bed. So, they found if they made beds with big posts and hung a sheet over the top, it addressed that problem. Hence those beautiful big 4 poster beds with canopies. The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt. Hence the saying “dirt poor”. The wealthy had slate floors which would get slippery in the winter when wet. So they spread thresh on the floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on they kept adding more thresh until when you opened the door it would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed at the entry way, hence a “thresh hold”. They cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire. Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They mostly ate vegetables and didn't get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight and then start over the next day. Sometimes the stew had food in it that had been in there for a month. Hence the rhyme: peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old.” Sometimes they could obtain pork and would feel really special when that happened. When company came over, they would bring out some bacon and hang it to show it off. It was a sign of wealth and that a man “could really bring home the bacon.” They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around and chew the fat.” Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with a high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food. This happened most often with tomatoes, so they stopped eating tomatoes . . . for 400 years. Most people didn't have pewter plates, but had trenchers - a piece of wood with the middle scooped out like a bowl. Trencher were never washed and a lot of times worms got into the wood. After eating off wormy trenchers, they would get “trench mouth.” Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or the “upper crust”. Lead cups were used to drink ale or whiskey. The combination would sometimes knock them out for a couple of days. Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up. Hence the custom of holding a “wake”. England is old and small and they started running out of places to bury people. So, they would dig up coffins and would take their bones to a house and re-use the grave. In reopening these coffins, one out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realized they had been burying people alive. So they thought they would tie a string on their wrist and lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night to listen for the bell. Hence on the”graveyard shift” they would know that someone was “saved by the bell” or he was a “dead ring”.

To: Sun Tzu who wrote (9851)	5/21/1999 9:01:00 AM
From: Edwarda	Respond to of 62549

This is a repeat, but it's too cute not to pass on... A man was walking down the street when he noticed his grandpa sitting on the porch, in the rocking chair, with nothing on from the waist down. Grandpa what are you doing?” he exclaimed. The old man looked off in the distance and did not answer him. ”Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below the waist?” he asked again. The old man slowly looked at him and said, “Well, last week I sat out here with no shirt on, and I got a stiff neck. This is your Grandma's idea.”