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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Timothy Liu who wrote (9871)	5/22/1999 8:56:00 PM
From: John Messbauer	Respond to of 62562

A father asked his son, Little Johnny, if he knew about the birds and the bees. "I don't want to know!" Little Johnny said, exploding and bursting into tears. Confused, his father asked Little Johnny what was wrong. "Oh Pop," Johnny sobbed, "for me there was no Santa Claus at age six, no Easter Bunny at seven, and no Tooth Fairy at eight. And if you're telling me now that grownups don't really fuck, I've got nothing left to believe in!" ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Q: Which sexual position produces the ugliest children? A: Ask your mom. Q: What is the quickest way to clear out a men's restroom? A: Say, "Nice dick." Q: How do you know you're leading a sad life? A: When a nymphomaniac tells you, "Let's just be friends." Q: What do you get when you cross Billy Ray Cyrus and a yeast infection? A: An itchy, twitchy twat. Q: Are birth control pills deductible? A: Only if they don't work. Q: What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? A: If we don't get some support soon, people are going to think we're nuts. Q: Why don't bunnies make noise when they make love? A: Because they have cotton balls. Q: What do you get when you cross an Owl and a Rooster? A: A cock that stays up all night. Q: Mom's have Mother's Day, Father's have Father's Day. What do single guys have? A: Palm Sunday Q: Why is being in the military like a blowjob? A: The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel. Q: What do you call a ninety year old man who can still masturbate? A: Miracle Whip. > Q: What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies? A: A bingo machine. > Q: What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree? A: Hold on to your nuts, this is going to be a hell of a blowjob! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ A woman is in her doctor's office, and suddenly shouts out "Doctor, kiss me." The Doctor looks at her and says that it would be against his code of ethics to kiss her. About 20 minutes later the woman again shouts out "Doctor, please, kiss me, just once." Again he refuses, apologetically, but says that as a doctor he simply cannot kiss her. Finally another 15 minutes pass, and the woman pleads with the doctor, "Doctor, Doctor, please -- you HAVE to kiss me, even just once!!" "Look" he says, "I am sorry - I just CANNOT kiss you . In fact, I probably shouldn't even be fucking you.". ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ There was a cowboy who went to the outhouse. He heard a noise, so he looked inside. Lo and behold, there was an Indian down in the hole. The cowboy said, "How long have you been down there in that awful hole?" The Indian replied, "Many moons." ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ What do you call a fat girl with a yeast infection? Tasty and Nutritious! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Last night in a Motel 6, they found 2 homosexual males, face down, with"Fruit Loops" rammed up their butts. Police said that they thought that they might have a new "Cereal Killer" loose in the city. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ When you're having a really bad day and it seems like people are trying to piss you off, remember it takes 42 muscles to frown and only 4 to extend your finger and flip them off. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ During a rather heated argument, the husband bellowed: "You don't deserve a man like me." The wife retorted, "I don't deserve arthritis either, but I got that."