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Pastimes : Jokes -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: WEBNATURAL who wrote (2181)	5/26/1999 1:22:00 AM
From: Barney	Respond to of 2733

Are Cowboys Lesbians? An old cowboy dressed to kill with cowboy shirt, hat, jeans, spurs and chaps went to a bar and ordered a drink. As he sat there sipping his whiskey, a young lady sat down next to him. After she ordered her drink she turned to the cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?" "Well, I have spent my whole life on the ranch herding cows, breaking horses, mending fences... I guess I am," replied the cowboy. After a short while he asked her what she was. "I've never been on a ranch so I know I'm not a cowboy," said the young woman, "but I am a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning I think of women. When I eat, shower, watch TV, everything seems to make me think of women." A short while later she left and the cowboy ordered another drink. A couple sat down next to him and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?" "I always thought I was, but I just found out that I'm a lesbian."

To: WEBNATURAL who wrote (2181)	5/26/1999 1:23:00 AM
From: Barney	Respond to of 2733

Country Lane A husband and wife were driving down a country lane on their way to visit some friends. They came to a muddy patch in the road and the car became bogged. After a few minutes of trying to get the car out by themselves, they saw a young farmer coming down the lane, driving some oxen before him. He stopped when he saw the couple in trouble and offered to pull the car out of the mud for $50. The husband accepted and minutes later the car was free. The farmer turned to the husband and said, "You know, you're the tenth car I've helped out of the mud today." The husband looks around at the fields incredulously and asks the farmer,"When do you have time to plough your land? At night?" "No," the young farmer replied seriously, "Night is when I put the water in the hole"

To: WEBNATURAL who wrote (2181)	5/26/1999 3:28:00 AM
From: fatheroz	Respond to of 2733

I was doing some work at a local nursing home last year, when an elderly gentleman came up to me and said "hey! Today's my birthday. Guess how old I am?" "Geez, maybe... 76?" I responded. "Nope. I'm 83!". At this point he spun around, seeing someone he knew across the room, and said "hey! Bob! It's my birthday. Guess how old I am." "Oh I don't know. 80?" "No sir. I'm 83!" By now several others had come into the lobby area when he spots Maudie, in her wheelchair. "Maudie! it's my birthday! Guess how old I am!" Maudie cautiously raises a hand up, unzips his pants, places that hand into his pants and tenderly grasps his unit. She sort of rolls it around in her hand, and looking toward the ceiling seems to give this a great deal of thought. "83." she states matter-of-factly. As he zips up his pants he exclaims: "HOW in the world did you DO that??" "I just can't believe it. That was amaaazing." Maudie smiles coyly and says "Oh, I heard you tell Bob."

To: WEBNATURAL who wrote (2181)	5/26/1999 3:36:00 AM
From: fatheroz	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 2733

Also, at the same nursing home. One of the men was having his 100th birthday party. Some of his 'younger' friends thought it would be amusing to hire a hooker/lapdancer type to come in and rekindle his old fireplace as a present to their friend. The big night arrives and all is going according to plan. The hooker has lap danced him, is sort of writhing around in front of him when she leans over and shouts over the music and so he can hear her: "Hey baby! How about some super sex????" Thinking this over for a second, he leans forward and asks: "what kind of soup?"