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Pastimes : Jokes -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Stormweaver who wrote (2192)	5/28/1999 6:37:00 AM
From: Monty Lenard	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 2733

HEAVEN & HELL Two friends die, one goes to Heaven the other goes to Hell. The guy in Heaven feels bad and decides to check on his friend. So he looks down and to his surprise the friend is sitting in a chair with a beer in one hand and a gorgeous blonde in the other. All in a rage he goes to God and says, "Lord, it Just isn't fair. I was good and now in Heaven, and he was always bad, so he's in Hell, but he has all the luxuries. What's up with this?" GOD replied, "Look a little closer my son, the beer has a hole in the bottom and the blonde doesn't!"

To: Stormweaver who wrote (2192)	5/31/1999 8:04:00 AM
From: Richard H.	Read Replies (3) \| Respond to of 2733

The Perfect Day for a women: 08:15 Wake up to hugs and kisses 08:30 Weigh in 5lbs lighter than yesterday 08:45 Breakfast in bed, freshly squeezed orange juice and croissants 09:15 Soothing hot bath with fragrant lilac bath oil 10:00 Light work-out at club with handsome, funny personal trainer 10:30 Facial, manicure, shampoo and blow dry 12:00 Lunch with best friend at outdoor cafe 12:45 Notice ex-boyfriends wife, she has gained 30lbs 13:00 Shopping with friends, unlimited credit 15:00 Nap 16:00 3 dozen roses delivered by florist, card is from secret admirer 16:15 Gentle game of Tennis, followed by a soothing massage 17:30 Pick out outfit for dinner, primp before the mirror 19:30 Candlelight dinner for two followed by dancing 22:00 Hot shower (alone) 22:30 Make love 23:00 Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling 23:15 Fall asleep in his big strong arms ===================================================================== The Perfect Day for a man: 06:00 Alarm 06:15 Blow-job 06:30 Massive dump while reading sports section 07:00 Breakfast, bacon, sausage and eggs, toast and coffee 07:30 Limo arrives 07:45 Bloody Mary en-route to airport 08:15 Private G4 to St Andrews, Scotland 09:30 Limo to St Andrews Golf Club 09:45 Golf 11:45 Lunch, burger, chips and ketchup, 3 Beers 12:15 Blow-job 12.30 More golf 14:15 Limo back to airport (more beer & en-route Blow-job) 14:30 Private G4, to Glasgow (nap) 15:30 Late afternoon Guiness drinking with all female (topless) crowd 17:00 G4 back home, massage & hand job en-route by naked girls 18:45 Shit, shower and shave 19:30 Dinner, even more beer, 20 oz. Steak 21:00 Brandy and Cuban Partagas cigar 21:30 Sex with three women 23:00 Massage and Jacuzzi 23:45 Bed (alone) 23:50 12 second, 4 octave fart, dog leaves the room 23:55 Giggle yourself to sleep.