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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: flickerful who wrote (10020)	5/29/1999 10:34:00 AM
From: Barney	Respond to of 62549

The Irishman An Irishman named Murphy went to his doctor after a long illness. The doctor, after a lengthy examination, sighed and looked Murphy in the eye and says, "I've some bad news for you. You have cancer and it can't be cured. I'd give you two weeks to a month." Murphy shocked and saddened by the news, but of solid character managed to compose himself and walk from the doctor's office into the waiting room. There he saw his son who had been waiting. Murphy said, "Son, we Irish celebrate when things are good and celebrate when things don't go so well. In this case, things aren't so well. I have cancer, and I've been given a short time to live. Let's head for the pub and have a few pints." After three or four pints, the two were feeling a little less somber. There were some laughs and more beers. They were eventually approached by some of Murphy's old friends who asked what the two were celebrating. Murphy told them that the Irish celebrate the good and the bad. He went on to tell them that they were drinking to his impending end. He told his friends, "I've only got a few weeks to live as I have been diagnosed with AIDS." The friends gave Murphy their condolences and they had a couple more beers. After his friends left, Murphy's son leaned over and whispered his confusion. "Dad, I thought you said that you were dying from cancer? You just told your friends that you were dying from AIDS?" Murphy said, "I am dying from cancer, son, I just don't want any of them sleeping with your mother after I'm gone."

To: flickerful who wrote (10020)	5/29/1999 10:36:00 AM
From: Barney	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

BATS Two vampire bats are hanging upside down in a cave. One of the bats feels rather hungry. "Let's go and find some blood", he suggests. "I don't think you can get any blood this time of the day", says the other bat. "Well, I want some blood and I want it now!", says the first bat and prepares to take off. "Are you coming or what?" "Don't be stupid, you'll just waste your time", says the second bat. So the first bat flies away. After a few minutes he is back with blood smeared all over his face. "Where did you manage to find blood this time of the day?", asks the second bat. "Well, do you see that tree out there?", says the first bat and points at a tree outside the cave, "Do you see that tree?" "Yes", says the second bat, "of course I see it". "Well, I didn't", replies the first.