I know... It's an old one, but it's making the rounds again....
And it reminds me of a true one:
Message 7319171
Baked Beans
Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for
baked beans. He loved them, but they always had an
embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him.
One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it became apparent that
they would marry, he thought to himself, she'll never go through
with the marriage with me carrying on like this, so he made the
supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.
Shortly after that they were married.
A few months later, on the way home from work, his car broke down
and since they lived in the country, he called his wife and told
her that he would be late because he had to walk. On his way home,
he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked
beans overwhelmed him.
Since he still had several miles to walk he figured he could walk
off any ill affects before he got home. So he went in and ordered,
and before leaving had 3 extra large helpings of baked beans. All the
way home he putt-putted. By the time he arrived home he felt
reasonably safe.
His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She
exclaimed, "Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for you for
dinner tonight!" She put a blindfold on him, and led him to his
chair at the head of the table and made him promise not to peak.
At this point he was beginning to feel another one coming on. Just
as his wife was about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang.
She again made him promise not to peek until she returned, and away
she went to answer the phone. While she was gone, he seized
the opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was
not only loud, but ripe as a rotten egg. He had a hard time breathing,
so he felt for his napkin and fanned the air about him.
He had just started to feel better, when another urge came on. He
raised his leg and RRIIIPPPP !!! It sounded like a diesel engine
revving, and smelled worse. To keep from gagging, he tried fanning
his arms a while, hoping the smell would dissipate. He got another
urge. This was a real blue ribbon winner, the windows shook, the
dishes on the table rattled and a minute later the flowers on the
table were dead.
While keeping an ear tuned in on the conversation in the hallway,
and keeping his promise of staying blindfolded, he carried on like this
for the next ten minutes, farting and fanning each time with his
napkin. When he heard the phone farewells he neatly laid his napkin
on his lap and folded his hands on top of it. Smiling contentedly,
he was the picture of innocence when his wife walked in.
Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked at the
dinner table. After assuring her he had not peeked, she removed the
blindfold and yelled, "SURPRISE!!!"
To his shock and horror, there were twelve dinner guests seated
around the table for his surprise birthday party. |
