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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Barnabus who wrote (10211)	6/8/1999 11:15:00 AM
From: Perom Uch	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 62551

> Short Stories Of The Truly Moronic > > Will the real dummy please stand up? > > AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked > intellectual leadership." He received a $26 million severance package. > Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence. > > With a little help from our friends! > > Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a > gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten > tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing > beside them, shouting, "Please come out and give yourself up!" > > What was plan B? > > An Illinois man pretending to have a gun kidnapped a motorist and > forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines. The > kidnapper then proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts. > > These nitwits are teaching our children? > > A 9-year-old boy in Manassas, Virginia received a one-day suspension > under his elementary school's drug policy last week - for Certs! Joey > Hoeffer allegedly told a classmate that the mints would make him "jump > higher." > > -and- > > A student in Belle, West Virginia was suspended for three days for > giving a classmate a cough drop. School principal Forest Mann > reiterated the school's "zero-tolerance" policy (not to be confused > with the "zero-intelligence" policy). > > Some days, it just doesn't pay to gnaw through the leather straps! > > Fire investigators on Maui have determined the cause of a blaze that > destroyed a $127,000 home last month - a short in the homeowner's > newly installed fire prevention alarm system. "This is even worse than > last year," said the distraught homeowner, "when someone broke in and > stole my new security system." > > The getaway! > > A man walked in to a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Shop, and asked for all the > money in the cash drawer. Apparently the take was too small, so he > tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours > until police showed up and grabbed him. > > Too well educated? > > In Medford, Oregon, a 27-year-old jobless man with an MBA blamed his > college degree for his murder of three people. "There are too many > business grads out there," he said. "If I had chosen another field, > all this may not have happened." > > Did I say that? > > Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just > couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each > man in the lineup to repeat the words, "Give me all your money or I'll > shoot," the man shouted, "That's not what I said!" > > Ouch, that smarts!!! > > A bank robber in Virginia Beach got a nasty surprise when a dye pack > designed to mark stolen money exploded in his Fruit-of-the- Looms. The > robber apparently stuffed the loot down the front of his pants as he > was running out the door. "He was seen hopping and jumping around," > said police spokesman Mike Carey, "with an explosion taking place > inside his pants." Police have the man's charred trousers in custody. > > Are we are communicating? > > A man spoke frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her > contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" > the doctor asked. "No, you idiot!" the man shouted. "This is her > husband!" > > Not the sharpest knife in the drawer! > > In Modesto, CA, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up > a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a > finger to simulate a gun, but unfortunately, he failed to keep his > hand in his pocket. > > > > >