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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Tomato who wrote (10222)	6/9/1999 3:46:00 PM
From: larscot	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

El Paso humor.... >>You know you're in El Paso when... >>You no longer associate bridges (or rivers) with water... >>You can say 110 degrees without fainting... >>You eat hot chilies to cool your mouth off... >>You can make instant sun tea... >>You learn that a seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron... >>The temperature drops below 95, you feel a bit chilly... >>You discover that in July, it takes only 2 fingers to drive your car.. >>You discover that you can get a sunburn through your car window... >>You notice the best parking place is determined by shade instead of >>distance... >>Hot water now comes out of both taps... >>It's noon in July, kids are on summer vacation, and not one person is out on >>the streets... >>You actually burn your hand opening the car door... >>You break a sweat the instant you step outside...at 730 a.m. before work... >>No one would dream of putting vinyl upholstery in a car or not having air >>conditioning... >>You realize that asphalt has a liquid state... >>Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and end up >>lying >>on the pavement and cook to death?"... >> >> >>It's so hot in El Paso... >>The birds have to use pot holders to pull worms out of the ground. >>It's so dry in El Paso, the cows are giving evaporated milk. >>It's so dry in El Paso, the trees are whistlin' for the dogs. >>Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying hard >>boiled eggs. >>The potatoes cook underground and all you have to do to have lunch is to pull >>one out and add butter, salt and pepper. >> >> >>A sad El Pasoan once prayed, "I wish it would rain, not so much for me, cuz >>I've seen it, but for my 7-year-old." >> >> >>A visitor to El Paso once asked, "Does it ever rain out here?" >> >>A rancher quickly answered "Yes, it does. Do you remember that part in the >>Bible where it rained for 40 days and 40 nights?" >> >>The visitor replied, "Yes, I'm familiar with Noah's flood." >> >>Well," the rancher puffed up, we got about two and a half inches during that >>spell."

To: Tomato who wrote (10222)	6/10/1999 12:28:00 PM
From: SIer formerly known as Joe B.	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 62549

Patrons jailed for overdue library books CLEARWATER, Fla., June 10 (UPI) _ At least two people have been arrested this week because books they borrowed from the Clearwater, Fla. , public library were overdue. One of those taken into custody, Sabrina Davis, spent a night in jail for failing to return seven books she had borrowed to read to her 2-and- a-half-year-old son. The 22-year-old single mother was awakened early Monday by police who handcuffed her and transported her to the Pinellas County Jail, where guards and fellow inmates shook their heads in disbelief of her situation. Davis was released Tuesday after her boyfriend returned ''Farmer Boy, '' ''Little House on the Prairie'' and the other five overdue books. She also paid $400 in late fees and promised to pay $220 in court costs. Another man remained jailed because his books were still out. Davis was taken into custody after failing to appear in court to answer allegations that she had not returned material to the library. Library officials say before a negligent patron is arrested, they typically have failed to respond to eight notices asking that books, video cassettes or compact discs be returned. One third of the Clearwater Library's budget _ or $180,000 a year _ has been devoted to replacing property that is not returned, and officials are trying to reduce the outlay. Arlita Hallam, the city's library director, said: ''It's as if it's a joke, as if stealing public property is OK...Ninety-nine-point-nine percent of the public returns the materials. These are people who absolutely and flagrantly refuse to respond at all.'' Davis concedes the books she borrowed were overdue, but says her husband had recently left her and her financial situation was so precarious that she couldn't raise the late fees and still pay the rent and utility bill. _- Copyright 1999 by United Press International. All rights reserved. _- * end of story *