SILICON VALLEY meets STAR WARS
Sunday, June 13, 1999, San Jose Mercury News
Star War of words waged over consistency
THE FORCE is strong in Silicon Valley.
In the last three-plus weeks, as the Bay Area Star Wars cultists contributed mightily to the $255 million-plus reaped nationally at the box office by The Phantom Menace, others wielded their pens and keyboards like light sabers.
On May 23 I questioned the consistency of the story and time lines between the original Star Wars movies and this latest installment, a prequel set 36 years before the trilogy. Since then I have received more than 150 e-mails and letters accusing me of turning to the Dark Side of the Force. Many a Jedi gave in to their hate to curse me in languages C-3PO might not even be able to decipher.
There were also explanations that would make George Lucas proud, theories as flimsy as Anakin Skywalker being born by immaculate conception, and others ideas that were just from a galaxy far, far away. . . . Here are the original questions and your responses:
1 How can two human Jedi be killed the same way, yet die so differently?
The consistency of your response was amazing. It was as if I missed Jedi History Day in high school. You all knew why Obi-Wan Kenobi vanished and Qui-Gon Jinn didn't, as though it was as common as naming American presidents.
The overwhelming belief is that in A New Hope, Kenobi realized death was imminent, lowered his light saber and gave himself to the Force as Darth Vader killed him. Kennita Watson, who like most of you sent e-mail, coined her own phrase saying Kenobi was bodily assumed into heaven. Clever.
Many of you confirmed this self-sacrifice theory by noting Yoda gave himself to the Force and was bodily assumed, in The Return of the Jedi, and both he and Obi-Wan went on to live as apparitions seen by Luke Skywalker. Of course, Anakin Skywalker was also a spirit at the end of that movie, but he didn't vanish when he died.
Ryan Fletcher believes Vader's mortal death was penance for his time with the Dark Side, but he was returned to Jedi status in the after-life because he killed the Emperor.
Glad that's cleared up.
2 How do C-3PO and R2-D2 keep ending up in the middle of every battle and story arc?
If there was one stumper this was it. Many of you went for the utilitarian answer that creator George Lucas said the 'droids would be in all the movies back in 1977 and that the mechanical Laurel & Hardy were the ageless glue that hooked the movies together.
How do any main characters consistently end up in the middle of it all? asked J.L. This is a very literal answer for a group of movie-line squatters willing to debate the merits of how Jedi die. It sounds hinky, but if I was another character, I'd stick with the 'droids. They always survive.
3 Why aren't the 'droids familiar with Tatooine when they land there in A New Hope looking for Obi-Wan Kenobi?
After gallivanting around Tatooine with Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon and Anakin in The Phantom Menace before Luke Skywalker was even born, it seemed logical that R2-D2 and C-3PO would be familiar with the planet when they returned in A New Hope. They were not, and the rebuttal most often offered was that their memory was erased. Or, as a Jedi might say, their computer brains were assumed into the trash can.
Eric Vierhaus says, You'll find that brain wipes were common among 'droids.
Really? I did not know that.
Most plausible was the idea that the robots landed on a different part of Tatooine, likening it to a human from California landing in Africa, and not knowing the lay of the land.
4 Why didn't either 'droid bother to tell Luke Skywalker that his father was Darth Vader?
See answer No. 3. Apparently if the 'droids can be relieved of all memories of Tatooine, any knowledge about the identity of the most evil man in the galaxy can also be expunged.
5 Does the desert affect C-3PO's health?
The quandary was why the stodgy robot seemed more bothered by Tatooine's sand in Star Wars than in The Phantom Menace, when he didn't even have body armor.
Ideas ranged from frequent oil baths by young Anakin when C-3PO was first built to the notion that armor actually made things worse. The sand whizzed right through his circuitry when he was naked. Fragile, but you get points for creativity.
6 Why doesn't the all-knowing, all-seeing Obi-Wan have any memory of R2-D2 or vice versa?
There's a key passage from the original A New Hope that many feel answers this question. I don't remember owning any 'droids, says Obi-Wan after Luke and the 'droids find the elderly Jedi in A New Hope. The key is that he never did own Artoo, they just hung out.
Obi-Wan was a master of the half-truth. When he told Luke about his father he talked up the great Jedi, Anakin, but failed to mention that teensy tidbit about him becoming Darth Vader until much later.
7. Why hasn't Tatooine seen any urban progress in the years between The Phantom Menace and A New Hope?
I've been called a lot of things, but Jimmy Dead's accusation that I was Earth-Centric was below the belt. It was pointed out in many of your e-mails that comparing a desolate planet like Tatooine to Silicon Valley was not exactly fair and that many small towns have remained untouched for decades.
I'm enrolling myself in galactic-correctness immediately.
8 Why did the Empire use robots for a ground army in The Phantom Menace, but human storm troopers in the other three sagas?
All right, all right. I made a Jabba the Hutt-sized faux pas on this one. The robot army in The Phantom Menace was not part of the Empire. It served the Trade Federation that preceded the Empire.
What makes you think that the Empire would use robots again after seeing how they failed (the Trade Federation) at Naboo? asks Isaiah Mustafa. Please think before you ask questions.
Point taken, Isaiah, but think about this: The Emperor was the brains behind both forces. A couple of astute Siths-in-training pointed out the Empire simply stopped being concerned about losing lives as time went on. That is evident.
9 If Jedi and their evil counterparts, the Sith, can foresee the
actions and intentions of others, then what happened to Darth Maul's radar?
First of all, my apologies to those who read this and were ready to blast me for disclosing Darth Maul's demise. I did warn you beforehand. Besides, who did you think was gonna win?
Some said that I gave the Jedi and Sith too much credit and that they can't really see the future. They can sense things and they have tremendous reflexes, but against another Jedi that advantage is matched. Finally it is theorized that Maul suffered the same flaw that clouded Darth Vader and the Emperor's final judgment: arrogance.
10 If three is a crowd, then why did Darth Vader want Luke Skywalker to join him ruling the galaxy?
Almost everyone grabbed a little more out of the light-saber duel chatter between Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader in The Empire Strikes Back than I did. Join me, and we can rule the galaxy together as father and son, says Vader. It seems to be common knowledge that Darth Vader was planning a coup of his own.
Be the first to find out more. Start lining up now for the next Star Wars, set for release in 2002.
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Note well: These are the people who are in charge of the earth's current paradigm shift.
Tom |
