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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Marty Rubin who wrote (10307)	6/15/1999 10:47:00 PM
From: MrsNose	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62578

The Troubled Human Race In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods: On Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!) On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (The shoplifter special!) On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap. (and that would be how?) On some Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost. (But it's just a suggestion!) On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: Do not turn upside down. (printed on bottom of the box) (Too late! You lose!) (I love it: food to piss you off.) On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: Product will be hot after heating. (Are you sure??? Let's experiment.) On packaging for a Rowenta iron: Do not iron clothes on body. (But wouldn't that save more time?) (Whose body?) On Boot's Children's cough medicine: Do not drive car or operate machinery. (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.) On Nytol sleep aid: Warning: may cause drowsiness. (One would hope!) On a Korean kitchen knife: Warning: keep out of children. (Or pets! What's for dinner?) On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor use only. (As opposed to use in outer space.) (Or underground?) On a Japanese food processor: Not to be used for the other use. (Now I'm curious.) On Sainsbury's peanuts: Warning: contains nuts. ( Not to mention the nut who wrote the warning ) On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: open packet, eat nuts. ( DDDUUUHHH) On a Swedish chainsaw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals. (What is this, a home castration kit?) On a childs superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly. (That's right, destroy a universal childhood fantasy!)