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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: SIer formerly known as Joe B. who wrote (10356)	6/18/1999 3:02:00 PM
From: Mr. G. Rottweiler	Respond to of 62549

> > What am I ? > > THIS USEFUL TOOL, COMMONLY FOUND IN THE > > RANGE OF 8 INCHES LONG. > > THE FUNCTIONING OF WHICH IS ENJOYED BY > > MEMBERS OF BOTH SEXES. > > IS USUALLY FOUND HUNG, DANGLING > > LOOSELY,READY FOR INSTANT ACTION. > > IT BOASTS OF A CLUMP OF LITTLE HAIRY > > THINGS AT ONE END > > AND SMALL HOLE AT THE OTHER. IN USE, IT IS > > INSERTED, ALMOST ALWAYS > > WILLINGLY, SOMETIMES SLOWLY, > > SOMETIMES QUICKLY, > > INTO A WARM, FLESHY, MOIST OPENING WHERE > > IT IS THRUST IN AND DRAWN OUT AGAIN > > AND AGAIN MANY TIMES IN SUCCESSION, > > OFTEN QUICKLY AND ACCOMPANIED BY SQUIRMING > > BODILY MOVEMENTS. > > ANYONE > > FOUND > > LISTENING IN WILL MOST SURELY > > RECOGNIZE > > THE > > RHYTHMIC, > > PULSING > > SOUND, RESULTING FROM THE > > WELL > > LUBRICATED > > MOVEMENTS. > > WHEN > > FINALLY WITHDRAWN, IT LEAVES > > BEHIND > > A > > JUICY, > > FROTHY, > > STICKY > > WHITE > > SUBSTANCE, SOME OF WHICH WILL > > NEED > > CLEANING > > FROM > > THE > > OUTER > > SURFACES OF THE OPENING AND > > SOME > > OF > > FROM > > ITS > > LONG > > GLISTENING > > SHAFT. AFTER EVERYTHING IS > > DONE > > AND > > THE > > FLOWING > > AND > > CLEANSING > > LIQUIDS HAVE CEASED > > EMENATING, > > IT > > IS > > RETURNED > > TO > > ITS > > FREELY > > HANGING STATE OF REST, READY > > FOR > > YET > > ANOTHER > > BIT > > OF > > ACTION, > > HOPEFULLY REACHING ITS > > BRISTLING > > CLIMAX > > TWICE > > OR > > THREE > > TIMES A > > DAY, BUT OFTEN MUCH LESS. > > WHAT AM I??????? > > AS YOU MAY HAVE ALREADY > > GUESSED, > > THE > > ANSWER > > TO > > THE > > RIDDLE > > IS > > NONE OTHER THAN YOUR VERY > > OWN.......... > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > TOOTHBRUSH......... > > > > > > > > what were you > > thinking? > > You PERVERT! > > >

To: SIer formerly known as Joe B. who wrote (10356)	6/18/1999 3:10:00 PM
From: Sarkie	Respond to of 62549

How disappointing! She will never make it on the cover of 'Enquirer' Woman Gives Birth To Birdlike Creature

To: SIer formerly known as Joe B. who wrote (10356)	6/18/1999 3:15:00 PM
From: Elmer Flugum	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 62549

I'm holding out until the pharmaceutical companies come out with the ultimate male middle-age speedball: a combination of Viagra and Propecia.

To: SIer formerly known as Joe B. who wrote (10356)	6/19/1999 3:47:00 PM
From: Elmer Flugum	Read Replies (4) \| Respond to of 62549

What do men and pantyhose have in common? They either cling, run or don't fit right in the crotch! How do we know men invented maps? Who else would make an inch into a mile? Briefly, what is the difference between men and women? A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need... man wants every woman to satisfy his one need. How does a man keep his youth? By giving her money, furs and diamonds. What's the most common cause of hearing loss among men? A woman saying she wants to talk to him. Where do you have to go to find a man who is truly into commitment? A mental hospital. How are men like bank machines? Once they withdraw they lose interest. How can you tell when a man is well hung? When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose. How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail? Rename the mail folder to "instruction manuals." How does a man show that he is planning for the future? He buys two cases of beer. How are men and parking spots alike? Good ones are always taken. Free ones are mostly handicapped or extremely small. Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating? To stop the snoring before it starts. How is being in a singles bar different from going to the circus? At the circus the clowns don't talk. What do you do with a man that thinks he's God's gift? Exchange him. Why are husbands like lawn mowers? They are hard to get started, emit foul odors and don't work half the time.