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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: flickerful who wrote (10742)	7/19/1999
From: Kailash	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62569

NURSES working near the Millennium Dome are preparing for cases of end-of-the-century psychosis."Millennium psychosis" has already started emerging, according to a report in Nursing Times magazine. Oxleas NHS Trust, the mental health service provider in Greenwich, south-east London, has dealt with eight or nine admissions since March. A typical case involved a patient believing he had swallowed the potentially dangerous Millennium bug. eaglesup.com

To: flickerful who wrote (10742)	7/19/1999 10:22:00 AM
From: Edwarda	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62569

M E M O To: All my friends Subject: Adulthood Resignation Adulthood- I am hereby officially tendering my resignation as an adult. I have decided I would like to accept the responsibilities of an 8 year old again. I want to go to McDonald's and think that it's a four star restaurant. I want to sail sticks across a fresh mud puddle and make ripples with rocks. I want to think M&Ms are better than money because you can eat them. I want to lie under a big oak tree and run a lemonade stand with my friends on a hot summer's day. I want to return to a time when life was simple. When all you knew were colors, multiplication tables, and nursery rhymes, but that didn't bother you, because you didn't know what you didn't know and you didn't care. All you knew was to be happy because you were blissfully unaware of all the things that should make you worried or upset. I want to think the world is fair. That everyone is honest and good. I want to believe that anything is possible. I want to be oblivious to the complexities of life and be overly excited by the little things again. I want to live simple again. I don't want my day to consist of computer crashes, mountains of paperwork, depressing news, how to survive more days in the month than there is money in the bank, doctor bills, gossip, illness, and loss of loved ones. I want to believe in the power of smiles, hugs, a kind word, truth, justice, peace, dreams, the imagination, mankind, and making angels in the snow. So....here's my checkbook and my car-keys, my credit card bills and my 401K statements. I am officially resigning from adulthood. And if you want to discuss this further, you'll have to catch me first, cause, “Tag! You're it.”

To: flickerful who wrote (10742)	7/19/1999 10:28:00 AM
From: Edwarda	Respond to of 62569

Hello. Yes, you. You, looking at this screen for hours on end, online. You, bleary eyed. You, an addict. Have you looked in the mirror lately? Been outside? Know what day of the week it is? Your name was given to us by a spouse or family member who is concerned about your internet addiction. At Internetaholics Anonymous, we can help. We're a non-profit society of recovering addicts like yourself that provides support and counseling through weekly meetings designed to help you cope with your problem. We feature a twelve step recovery program and in extreme cases, interventions. Although it is our firm belief that you are never “cured,” you most certainly can recover. We have designed a brief checklist to determine if you are an addict. Do you: 1) Have twitches of the hand when you walk by your terminal? 2) Check e-mail more than five times a day? 3) Spend more time chatting than eating or sleeping? 4) Surf aimlessly with no direction, if only to be online? 5) Leave your name and information at countless sites if only to hope you'll receive a reply one day from a company you'll never do business with anyway? 6) Log on before important personal habits, such as meal preparation, hygiene or bodily functions? 7) Have red, swollen eyes that hang halfway out of your head? 8) Spend hours online on a holiday from work, where you'd usually be griping about your carpal tunnel syndrome? 9) See smoke arising from your computer or WebTV box? 10) All of the above? If you answered yes to four or more questions (or chose #10), you have a problem. Please call us at Internetaholics Anonymous at: 1-800-LOGOFFNOWFORPETE'SSAKE. We're here, we're free, and we're confidential. The first step to recovery is admission that you have a problem. Call us today. If you can power off to free up your phone line, that is.

To: flickerful who wrote (10742)	7/19/1999 10:31:00 AM
From: Edwarda	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 62569

If Only Life Could Be Like A Computer... If you messed up your life, you could press ‘Ctrl, Alt, Delete' and start all over! To get your daily exercise, just click on ‘run'! If you needed a break from life, click on ‘suspend'. Hit ‘any key' to continue life when ready. To get even with the neighbors, turn up the sound blaster. To add/remove someone in your life, click settings and control panel. To improve your appearance, just adjust the display settings. If life gets too noisy, turn off the speakers. When you lose your car keys, click on find. ‘Help' with the chores is just a click away. Auto insurance wouldn't be necessary. You would use your diskette to recover from a crash. And, you could click on ‘SEND NOW' and a Pizza would be on it's way to YOU...