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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: arno who wrote (10869)	7/30/1999 5:29:00 PM
From: Laurens	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62550

So these two Dutch nuns are riding their rickety old bikes down the back street of Amsterdam late one afternoon. It starts to get dark and of the sisters gets a bit nervous. She leans over to the other nun and says "You know, I've never come this way before." Says the other nun: "It's the cobblestones!"

To: arno who wrote (10869)	7/31/1999 7:12:00 PM
From: arno	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62550

A woman calls her butler into her bedroom. "Charles!" she says. "Yes, Madam?" answers the butler. "Charles, take off my dress!" "Yes, Madam," he says and removes her dress. "Charles, take off my bra!" "Yes, Madam," he says and takes off her bra. "Now, Charles, take off my shoes and stockings!" "Yes, Madam," he says and takes off her shoes and stockings. "Now," says the woman, "take off my panties." "As you wish, Madam" he replies, and does so. "And, Charles," she said, "I'll fire you if I ever catch you wearing my clothes again!"

To: arno who wrote (10869)	7/31/1999 7:19:00 PM
From: arno	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62550

A lawyer was dating a woman who had previously been married 12 times. One,very intense night, they were settling into bed when she said to him,"Please, promise to be gentle. I'm still a virgin." This puzzled the guy, since after 12 marriages, he thought that at least one,of her husbands would have been able to perform. He asked her to explain,the phenomenon. She responded: My first husband was a Sales Representative who spent the entire marriage,telling me, in grandiose terms, how great it was going to be. My second husband was from Software Services; he was never quite sure how it,was supposed to function, but he promised he would send me documentation. My third husband was from Field Services and repeatedly said that everything,was diagnostically OK, but couldn't get the system up. My fourth husband was from Educational Services, and you know the old saying-- "Those who can, DO; those who can't teach." My fifth husband was from the Telemarketing Department. He knew he had the,order, but wasn't quite sure when he was going to be able to deliver. My sixth husband was an Engineer. He told me that he understood the basic, process but needed three years to research,implement and design a new,state-of-the-art method. My seventh husband was from Finance and Administration. He knew how, but he just wasn't sure if it was his job or not. My eighth husband was from Standards and Regulations, and he told me that he met the minimum standards but regulations weren't clear on how to do it. My ninth husband was a Marketing Manager. Even though he had the product he just wasn't sure how to position it. My tenth husband was a psychiatrist. All he ever wanted to do was talk about it. My eleventh husband was a gynecologist and all he ever wanted to do was look at it. My twelfth husband was a stamp collector, and well . . . God, I miss him!! She finally smiled and turned to him. So, now there's you and I'm really excited. "Why is that?" asked the lawyer. Well, it should be obvious! You're a lawyer! I just know I'm finally going to get screwed.