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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Jay who wrote (11042)	8/12/1999 9:11:00 AM
From: Mark Peterson CPA	Read Replies (3) \| Respond to of 62549

After a lengthy high-speed pursuit, a cop pulled over his last traffic stop for the day, a fellow he clocked at 128 miles per hour. "Sir, I just clocked you going 128 in a 55. You're going straight to jail, unless you can think of a real good excuse I haven't heard before...." (pause) "Well, officer, three days ago, my wife ran off with a cop. I thought it was you trying to give her back..."

To: Jay who wrote (11042)	8/18/1999 11:01:00 PM
From: John Messbauer	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

Big time "goaner" but good.

To: Jay who wrote (11042)	8/20/1999 9:49:00 PM
From: John Messbauer	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

A drunk staggers into a diner and orders a couple of eggs. The waiter, suspecting that they've run out, goes back to question the chef. "Hey, Gus, do we have any more eggs?" Gus replies, "I ran out of fresh eggs, I only have two rotten eggs left." The waiter says, "Give him the rotten eggs. He's so bombed he won't know the difference." Gus scrambles up the rotten eggs and heaps on hash browns, sausage and toast. The drunk is so hungry he wolfs down the breakfast without comment. He goes to pay the cashier and asks, "Where'd you get those eggs?" She replies, "We have our own chicken farm." The drunk asks, "Do you have a rooster? "No," she says. The drunk replies, "Well, you'd better get one, because some skunk is screwing your chickens." ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ The husband emerged from the bathroom naked and was climbing into bed when his wife complained, as usual, "I have a headache." "Perfect," her husband said. "I was just in the bathroom powdering my dick with aspirin." ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ A woman talks to a psychiatrist and says, "You've got to help me Doctor, my husband thinks he's a racehorse! He neighs, sleeps on straw, and even eats grain!" "No problem," says the doctor. "I can heal him, but it's gonna be costly!" "Oh, money isn't an issue," says the disgruntled wife. "He's already won two races!"