Silicon Investor (SI) -- The First Internet Community

STOCKTALK

We've detected that you're using an ad content blocking browser plug-in or feature. Ads provide a critical source of revenue to the continued operation of Silicon Investor. We ask that you disable ad blocking while on Silicon Investor in the best interests of our community. If you are not using an ad blocker but are still receiving this message, make sure your browser's tracking protection is set to the 'standard' level.

Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: c.horn who wrote (11217)	8/25/1999 8:07:00 PM
From: Wowzer	Respond to of 62558

> YOU KNOW YOU'RE TRAILER TRASH WHEN . . . > > The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your spouse. > > You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front > of > her kids. > > You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws. > > You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night. > > Jack Daniels makes your list of "Most Admired People." > > You think Genitalia is an Italian airline. > > You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean. > > Anyone in your family ever died right after saying, "Hey, y'all watch > this" > > You've got more than one brother named 'Darryl.' > > You think that Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader. > > Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan. > > You go to your family reunion looking for a date. > > Your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare. > > You think the last words to The Star Spangled Banner are, Gentlemen, start > > your engines." > > You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its > wheels. > > You had to remove a toothpick for your wedding pictures. > > The bluebook value of your truck goes up and down, depending on how much > gas > it has in it. > > You have to go outside to get something out of the 'fridge. > > One of your kids was born on a pool table. Your dad walks you to school > because you are both in the same grade. > > You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House > of > Tattoos. > > You have flowers planted in a bathroom fixture in your front yard. > > Ya can't get married to yer sweetheart 'cause there's a law against it. > > You dated one of your parents' current spouses in high school. > > You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk. > > Your school fight song is "Dueling Banjos." > > Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.

To: c.horn who wrote (11217)	8/25/1999 10:17:00 PM
From: Carole Olkowski	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 62558

> 'Twas the night before Y2K, > And all through the nation > We awaited The Bug, > The Millennium sensation. > > The chips were replaced > In computers with care, > In hopes that ol' Bugsy > Wouldn't stop there. > > While some folks could think > They were snug in their beds > Others had visions > Of dread in their heads. > > And Ma with her PC, > And I with my Mac > Had just logged on the Net > And kicked back with a snack. > > When over the server, > There arose such a clatter > I called Mister Gates > To see what was the matter. > > But he was away, > So I flew like a flash > Off to my bank > To withdraw all my cash. > > When what with my wandering eyes > Should I see? > My good old Mac > Looked sick to me. > > The hack of all hackers > Was looking so smug, > I knew that it must be > The Y2K Bug! > > His image downloaded > In no time at all, > He whistled and shouted, > Let all systems fall! > > Go Intel! Go Gateway! > How HP! Big Blue! > Everything Compaq, > And Pentium too! > > All processors big, > All processors small, > Crash away! Crash away! > Crash away all! > > All the controls > That planes need for their flights > All microwaves, trains > And all traffic lights. > > As I drew in my breath > And was turning around, > Out through the modem, > He came with a bound. > > He was covered with fur, > And slung on his back > Was a sack full of virus, > Set for attack. > > His eyes-how they twinkled! > His dimples-how merry! > As midnight approached, though > Things soon became scary. > > He had a broad little face > And a round little belly, > And his sack filled with virus > Quivered like jelly. > > He was chubby and plump, > Perpetually grinning, > And I laughed when I saw him > Though my hard drive stopped spinning. > > A wink of his eye, > And a twist of his head, > Soon gave me to know > A new feeling of dread. > > He spoke not a word, > But went straight to his work, > He changed all the clocks, > Then turned with a jerk. > > With a twitch of his nose, > And a quick little wink, > All things electronic > Soon went on the blink. > > He zoomed from my system, > To the next folks on line, > He caused such a disruption, > Could this be a sign? > > Then I heard him exclaim, > With a loud, hearty shout, > Happy Y2K to you all, > This is a helluva night!

To: c.horn who wrote (11217)	8/26/1999 12:35:00 AM
From: Peter S. Maroulis	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62558

Subject: The Mailman's Last Day "The Mailman's Last Day" It was George the Mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood. When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who roundly and soundly congratulated him and sent him on his way with a tidy gift envelope. At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures. At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door (which she closed behind him), and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced. When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge."All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?" "Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you. He said, 'Fuck him. Give him a dollar.' The breakfast was my idea."