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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Peter S. Maroulis who wrote (11220)	8/29/1999 8:45:00 PM
From: John Messbauer	Read Replies (5) \| Respond to of 62558

Once, a gay man went to heaven. At the Great Gate, Saint Peter was waiting for him. After reviewing his records Saint Pete decided to let him in. "Follow me" he said, opening the gate and walking in. After some walk, Saint Pete's keys accidentally fell on the ground. Unaware, he bent over to pick up the keys. That was something the gay man just couldn't resist, so he jumped on him and did his thing. Saint Pete was furious. "If you do that again, You'll go straight to hell! But follow me, we're almost there." After some more walk, Pete dropped his keys again, and again, the gay man jumped on him. Saint Pete was even more furious than before, but decided to give the gay guy one last chance. Again they walk and for the third time Pete drops his keys, so he bends over and picks them up. The gay guy, having no self control jumps on him. Pete is now fed up and sends the gay guy straight to hell. A few weeks later, Saint Pete goes down to hell for his routine inspection, but this time something is wrong, it is freezing, no fire, no lava and in one corner, he finds the devil lying under a stack of blankets freezing his ass of. "Why is it so god damn cold down here? "Pete asks. "Well you just try bending down for firewood!!" The devil replied. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ There was this young gay man named Stan who had started to notice that all his buddies including his boyfriend had nice muscular very hairy chests and his was completely bare... now this really bothered Stan, so he went to see a doctor. "You see," says Stan, "All my friends, even my lover have chest hair and I don't seem to have a single one." The doc said "This is no problem at all, all you have to do is rub Vaseline all over your chest each day and it will stimulate the hair follicles, and before you know it, you too will have chest hair" So, Stan was very excited about this and went home to try this , he rubbed Vaseline all over his chest and continued to do this for the next few days hoping to stimulate the hair follicles and have hair on his chest like his lover. Then one night as he and his man were getting into bed, his lover reached over and stroked his hand across Stan's chest. He said, "What the hell is all this?" Proudly, Stan said.."You see I have really been bothered by not having any hair on my chest like you do so I went to see a doctor and he told me that if I rub Vaseline on my chest every day it will stimulate the hair follicles and it will grow!!!!" His lover sat straight up in bed and said, "Stan, now if this really worked you'd have a pony-tail growing out of your ass by now!" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ A man goes into his doctors office for an annual physical. After a while the doctor comes out and says, "I'm sorry Bill, but we have discovered you have a condition which only allows you another 6 weeks to live." "But Doctor," Bill replied, "I feel great. I haven't felt better in years. This just can't be true. Isn't there anything I can do?" After a moment the doctor said, "Well, you might start going down the street to that new health spa and take a mud bath every day." Excited, Bill asks, "Will that help me?" "No", Replied the doctor, "But it will get you used to the dirt!"