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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Mr Bond who wrote (11339)	9/2/1999 1:08:00 PM
From: Calvin Scott	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62555

New Hat!! Sam and Bessie are senior citizens and Sam always wanted an expensive pair of alligator cowboy boots. Seeing some on sale one day, he buys a pair and wears them home, asking Bessie, “So, do you notice anything different about me?” “What's different? It's the same shirt you wore yesterday and the same pants. What's different?” Frustrated, Sam goes into the bathroom, undresses and comes out completely naked, wearing only his new boots. Again he says, “Bessie, do you notice anything different?” “What's different, Sam? It's hanging down today; it was hanging down yesterday and will be hanging down tomorrow.” Angrily Sam yells, “Do you know why it's hanging down? ‘Cause it's looking at my new boots!!!!!” "Well you shoulda bought a hat!”

To: Mr Bond who wrote (11339)	9/3/1999 8:24:00 PM
From: John Messbauer	Respond to of 62555

A man was walking down the street when he bumped into a construction worker. They get into a conversation and the man asks him what he would do if he only had 5 minutes to live. "Well, I haven't lived a very passionate life, so I suppose I'd screw anything that moved." he answered. "What would you do?" "I'd stand perfectly still." ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ The City Health Inspector walks into a new restaurant unannounced and takes a seat to where he can see the kitchen. While he is sitting there, an order goes back for a pizza. The chef appears and the Health Inspector nearly chokes when he see that he is not wearing a shirt. As if the Health Inspector didn't already have enough fuel for his citation writing pen, the chef proceeded to grab a lump of pizza dough and press it out flat on his bare chest. Appalled, the Health Inspector had barely finished writing up this infraction when an order came back for a hamburger. The cook proceeded to grab a handful of ground meat and pressed it into a perfect patty in his armpit. Shocked and bewildered, the Health Inspector called for the manager and explained the gravity of the deplorable conditions he had seen. "That's nothing," said the manager, "you should come back at five in the morning when he makes the donuts!"