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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Carole Olkowski who wrote (11450)	9/9/1999 8:25:00 AM
From: David Michaud	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62550

The following is an actual question given in a University of Washington chemistry mid-term. "Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Support your answer with a proof." Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed). One student, however, wrote the following: First we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving. I think we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are added. This gives two possibilities. (1) If Hell is expanding at a slower rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose. (2) Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over. So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Ms. Therese Banyan during my Freshman year "That it will be a cold night in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then (2) cannot be true and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic. The student got the only A.

To: Carole Olkowski who wrote (11450)	9/13/1999 7:37:00 PM
From: John Messbauer	Respond to of 62550

There was a guy in a bar one night who got very very very drunk. I mean really really really plastered. When the bar was getting ready to close, he got up and stumbled out the door. As he left, he noticed a nun walking down the street, so he stumbled over to her, and punched her in the face. The punch stunned her, and she fell to the ground. The drunkard grabbed her by her rosary beads and started kicking her in theface. Then in the ribs. Then in the face again. After the beating, he leaned over her bruised body and said, "You're not such a fuckin' tough guy tonight,... are you Batman?" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ A rather confident man walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his watch for a moment. The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?" "No", he replies, "I just bought this state-of-the-art watch and I was just testing it." The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?" "It uses alpha waves to telepathically talk to me," he explains. "What's it telling you now?" "Well, it says you're not wearing any panties..." The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken then because I am wearing panties!" The man explains, "Damn thing must be an hour fast."