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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: broken_cookie who wrote (11576)	9/17/1999 3:18:00 PM
From: Walter Prager	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62555

Below is a list of famous (well, some more famous than others) movie and TV quotes, which have been double-translated using the Altavista translation engine (httlP//babelfish.altavista.com). The first list uses English-French-English translation, while the second one is English-German-English (they only translate from or to English, so I could not do a triple translation, like English -> German -> French -> English). See how many you can decipher. English-French-English ====================== 1. Test not. Make or not. There is no test. 2. Of all juniper joint in all the cities in everyone, it goes in mine. 3. Frankly, my expensive, I hardly worry. 4. It narrows? Like a frightened tortoise. 5. Above me? When did you take place under me? 6. What we have here is a lack to communicate. 7. Badges? We do not need any puant badge. 8. Because God is my witness, I thought that the turkeys could fly. 9. Together we can reign the galaxy like father and wire. 10. We came, we saw, we gave to a kick its ass! 11. I do not eat too many hamburgers 'causes a vegetarian of my girl friend, and this pretty much of the marks I a vegetarian. 12. Destroy it. Destroy it much. 13. The life is as a chocolate framework. You never know what to obtain you go. 14. Resistance is futile. You will be comparable. 15. To go fatty where no man went front. English-German-English ====================== 1. Attempt not. Do or not. There is no attempt. 2. From the whole Gin connects into all cities world whole in that, it goes into my. 3. Sincerely my dear, I give not a curse. 4. <<<<<this one translated back to English correctly>> 5. Over me? As were you under me? 6. Which we have here, is to be been located a disturbance in connection. 7. Badge? We do not need no stinking badges. 8. Since God is my witness, I thought that truthaehne could fly. 9. As together we father and son can arrange the galaxy. 10. We came, we saw, we stepped its donkey! 11. I eat not too many Hamburg ones ' cause a vegetarian of my friend and this pretty many labels I a vegetarian. 12. Terminate it. Terminate it much. 13. The life is like a box chocolates. They never know, what you will receive. 14. Resistance is futile. They are adapted. 15. Courageously it goes where no man went beforehand. SPOILERS: SPOILERS: SPOILERS: SPOILERS: SPOILERS: SPOILERS: SPOILERS: SPOILERS: SPOILERS: SPOILERS: SPOILERS: SPOILERS: SPOILERS: SPOILERS: SPOILERS: SPOILERS: SPOILERS: SPOILERS: SPOILERS: SPOILERS: SPOILERS: SPOILERS: SPOILERS: SPOILERS: SPOILERS: SPOILERS: SPOILERS: SPOILERS: SPOILERS: SPOILERS: SPOILERS: SPOILERS: SPOILERS: SPOILERS: SPOILERS: SPOILERS: SPOILERS: SPOILERS: SPOILERS: SPOILERS: SPOILERS: SPOILERS: SPOILERS: SPOILERS: SPOILERS: (I won't attribute the obvious ones.) 1. Try not. Do or do not. There is no try. - Yoda in Star Wars: Episode IV 2. Of all the gin joints in all the cities in all the world, she walks into mine. 3. Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn. 4. It shrinks? Like a frightened turtle. - Elaine/Jerry in Seinfeld 5. Over me? When were you under me? - Ross to Rachel in Friends 6. What we have here is a failure to communicate. 7. Badges? We don't need no stinking badges. 8. As God is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly. - Gordon Jump in KRP in Cincinnatti 9. Together we can rule the galaxy as father and son. - Darth Vader in Star Wars: Episode ? 10. We came, we saw, we kicked its ass! - Bill Murray in Ghost Busters 11. I don't eat too many hamburgers 'cause my girlfriend's a vegetarian, and that pretty much makes me a vegetarian. - Samuel L. Jackson in Pulp Fiction 12. Kill him. Kill him a lot. - Paul Reuben (Pee Wee Herman) in Buffy the Vampire Slayer 13. Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're going to get. 14. Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated. 15. To boldly go where no man has gone before.

To: broken_cookie who wrote (11576)	9/17/1999 5:52:00 PM
From: c.horn	Respond to of 62555

One day, a young man goes to apply for a sales job at a major department store. He tells the sales manager that he doesn't really have any experience, but he is willing to try his hardest to learn. The manager likes his attitude and decides to give the guy a chance. At the close of business the next day, the sales manager decides to stop in to see how the kid is doing on his first day. He asks, "How many sales did you have today?" The salesman answers, "One". "How come only one," asks the manager. "Most of my salesman have 20-30 per day! How much was the one sale you made?" The salesman answers, "$133,344.00." "WHAT!?! What did you sell?" "Well, a guy wanted a small fishing hook, so I sold him a medium fishing hook, then I sold him a large fishing hook. Then he needed a rod, so I sold him a light action rod, the upgrade to a medium action rod, and then changed it to a fully balanced combo. Then I told him he was going to need a boat, so I took him to the boating department and sold him a 14-foot motor boat, then upgraded him to a 20-foot cabin cruiser. Then I told him that his Volkswagen wouldn't be able to tow the boat, so I took him to the car department and sold him a sport utility vehicle." "A guy came in for a fishing hook and you managed to sell him all of that?" asked the manager. "No, he came in for a box of tampons, and I said 'Hell, your weekend is shot anyway, why not do some fishing?' "