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Pastimes : Let's Talk About Our Feelings!!! -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: The Philosopher who wrote (55521)	9/20/1999 1:06:00 PM
From: Neocon	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 108807

Christopher, it is very understandable that you are broken up. God knows, it is hard to conceive of having to face it myself in a few years. If one has had a close family, it has to feel like an amputation. Add to that the anxiety one feels when not around to protect them, and it must be searing. Fortunately, you will get used to the absence, and grow more confident that they will fare well, as time goes on. Meanwhile, I hope you have ICQ, Yahoo pager, or some other such service, and that you will check in frequently......

To: The Philosopher who wrote (55521)	9/20/1999 1:06:00 PM
From: Edwarda	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 108807

Right here with a hug! It's a bit like the feeling when your parents die, a major milestone. It hurts, of course. Another hug and another....

To: The Philosopher who wrote (55521)	9/20/1999 1:09:00 PM
From: Edwarda	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 108807

The girls will be just fine. They have each other, remember, and an exciting new world that should sweep them up. Which college?

To: The Philosopher who wrote (55521)	9/20/1999 1:10:00 PM
From: Edwarda	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 108807

Come on, here's my shoulder....

To: The Philosopher who wrote (55521)	9/20/1999 1:24:00 PM
From: Neocon	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 108807

Perhaps the best Hank Williams song: I'M SO LONESOME I COULD CRY Performed by: HANK WILLIAMS Transcribed by Scott Durham 75372.257@compuserve.com C Em Am C HEAR THE LONESOME WHIPERWILL C Em Gm7 C7 HE SOUNDS TOO BLUE TO FLY F Fm6 C Am THE MIDNIGHT TRAIN IS WHINING LOW C G7 C I'M SO LONESOME I COULD CRY C Em Am C I'VE NEVER SEEN A NIGHT SO LONG C Em Gm7 C7 WHEN TIME GOES CRAWLING BY F Fm6 C Am THE MOON JUST WENT BEHIND A CLOUD C G7 C TO HIDE IT'S FACE AND CRY C Em Am C DID YOU EVER SEE A ROBIN WEEP C Em Gm7 C7 WHEN LEAVES BEGIN TO DIE F Fm6 C Am THAT MEANS HE'S LOST THE WILL TO LIVE C G7 C I'M SO LONESOME I COULD CRY C Em Am C THE SILENCE OF A FALLING STAR C Em Gm7 C7 LIGHTS UP A PURPLE SKY F Fm6 C Am AND AS I WONDER WHERE YOU ARE C G7 C I'M SO LONESOME I COULD CRY Fm6 xx0111 Gm7 xx3333

To: The Philosopher who wrote (55521)	9/20/1999 1:29:00 PM
From: Neocon	Respond to of 108807

I'LL BE SEEING YOU The Ink Spots/Bing Crosby (Irving Kahal / Sammy Fain) - I'll be seeing you in all the old familiar places That this heart of mine embraces all day through In that small café, the park across the way The children's carousel, the chestnut trees, the wishing well I'll be seeing you in every lovely summer's day In everything that's light and gay I'll always think of you that way I'll find you in the mornin' sun And when the night is new I'll be looking at the moon But I'll be seeing you ------ instrumental break ------ I'll find you in the mornin' sun And when the night is new I'll be looking at the moon But I'll be seeing you

To: The Philosopher who wrote (55521)	9/20/1999 1:31:00 PM
From: Neocon	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 108807

(There'll Be Bluebirds Over) The White Cliffs Of Dover -Artists: Kay Kyser and His Orchestra, vocal by Harry Babbitt -Words by Nat Burton and Music by Walter Kent There'll be bluebirds over the white cliffs of Dover Tomorrow, just you wait and see There'll be love and laughter and peace ever after Tomorrow when the world is free (The shepherd will tend his sheep) (The valley will bloom again) And Jimmy will go to sleep In his own little room again There'll be bluebirds over the white cliffs of Dover Tomorrow, just you wait and see <instrumental interlude> There'll be bluebirds over the white cliffs of Dover Tomorrow, just you wait…and see

To: The Philosopher who wrote (55521)	9/20/1999 1:36:00 PM
From: Edwarda	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 108807

You have all the loving support I can give in cyberspace!

To: The Philosopher who wrote (55521)	9/20/1999 1:42:00 PM
From: E	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 108807

It passes, Christopher. I promise. It gets worse -- when they are still adjusting, and call home unhappy -- but then it gets much, much better. Other things happen. Good things. That you can't even imagine, yet. But you'll enjoy them a lot. And it will be so much fun when they all come home on holidays. Believe me. This is guaranteed. And hey, you can't get grandchildren unless you release your children! Here is a grandchild story. A couple of months ago I took my three year old grandson to the movies with two slightly older children in front of whom he likes to appear very grownup. It was an animated feature that had one slightly scary moment in it. The theater was perfectly quiet when I hear his little voice say, loudly, "Grandma E, if I were you, I would not have come to this movie!" To be happy, you must look at it this way. You haven't lived until you've had a grandchild. Your actual children are merely a means to that end! So they have to leave home....

To: The Philosopher who wrote (55521)	9/20/1999 1:53:00 PM
From: E	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 108807

I can't resist another grandchild story. Not because I dote on my darlings and want an excuse to tell these stories, you understand. Only to let you know the amusements you have in store! My daughter in law decided it was time to start teaching Angus his ABC's. His response was, "I do not WANT to learn my ABC's. I do not WANT to learn to read. What I WANT is to become a scientist and play with magnets."

To: The Philosopher who wrote (55521)	9/20/1999 2:16:00 PM
From: Lizzie Tudor	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 108807

A big, giant e-hug from me too!!! I've never been through your experience, as I don't have kids but I can imagine its devastating... to all involved too... Hopefully after the healing process if you have time and energy to spend you will look into devoting some time to children in need... my cousin and her husband are doing that and it is highly rewarding (they don't have kids)... they work with a romanian relief agency on orphan children and provide temporary homes in the US for those that relocate here. I offered to help out but because I am single (and live in wrong place) I'm not eligible. But, I do the next best thing and do puppy foster care! users.aol.com

To: The Philosopher who wrote (55521)	9/20/1999 2:17:00 PM
From: Jacques Chitte	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 108807

Maybe not a full-on hug - but a shoulder pat. I'd offer you a beer, but ... I know of your teetotal inclination.

To: The Philosopher who wrote (55521)	9/20/1999 2:24:00 PM
From: Mike Hermann	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 108807

Chris, They all have to go out on their own some day. They are going to make friends, have children of their own soon and make you a very proud grandparent. There will probably be kids around your house again in the near future. hang in there!

To: The Philosopher who wrote (55521)	9/20/1999 2:51:00 PM
From: Rainy_Day_Woman	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 108807

ohhhh my softest hug and you will feel better, i promise growing pains, hellish to go through but what a rosy future you will have Chris full of excitement shared and new delights as the girls mature and bring so much back to you remember if you can feel great sadness, you can also feel great happiness they all have their turn you may not feel it right now, but you are a lucky man, truly sherry

To: The Philosopher who wrote (55521)	9/20/1999 3:30:00 PM
From: Elmer Flugum	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 108807

Christopher, When I went to college, the long distance rates were sky high and there was no email. Look to the brighter side, they will probably email you everyday and there are opportunities to keep in touch so readily available that everything will be just fine... I too would have a difficult time seeing my baby girrlls leaving home and I don't even have any (wish I did). Len

To: The Philosopher who wrote (55521)	9/20/1999 4:22:00 PM
From: Hubert Few	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 108807

We have a mutual friend who mentioned your plight... You said: "I can't tell them how much I miss them -- it would make things worse for them. So I'll tell you." I always say the wrong thing, so let me get that out of the way first: Hey man....get over it!!! (just kidding ya know!) There....moving right along. You mentioned being self-employed. Why don't you get out of the house for a while? That's what I do when I can't deal with emotional torment. I find that very often even a slight change in surroundings can break a particularly devastating mood. I don't view it as escape, I view it as looking at things from a different vantage point. My son is now 10, I get very sad sometimes when I see a toddler in a store or something. I think back to when he was that age, and how different things are now. I am guessing you experienced this sort of thing many times yourself....this is no different. The finality of the physical move may be real, but every other aspect of it is the same....it is the advance of time and another stage of your lives has begun. Life is a relentless push into the future. We try to prepare ourselves for every event, so that next time by-god we can get it right. Emotional stuff doesn't work like that though....you feel, you hurt, you laugh, you can almost see your capacity to feel about to break you apart. Then, something happens, it always does, that allows you to see things as a progression of events that have not broken you, but made you stronger and increased your ability to give.... Congratulations on having done such a good job as a parent. I'm sure this hurts like hell, you are farther down that road than I, and my thoughts are with you. Thank you for reminding me how quickly all of these things happen.

To: The Philosopher who wrote (55521)	9/20/1999 4:23:00 PM
From: Rambi	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 108807

CH, The real men DO cry. A big e-hug from a mom who knows JUST what you're saying! I know the most painful part is your concern about their happiness. I keep reminding myself that these are happy endings for us as parents, still, we grieve. Love, penni

To: The Philosopher who wrote (55521)	9/20/1999 5:11:00 PM
From: Jorj X Mckie	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 108807

Christopher, I get misty eyed when my boy smiles at me. In 18 years when he goes to college, I will likely be a sobbing bowl of jello. It hurting so much when they are leaving is probably a good sign that you have done a great job raising your kids. Just think what it would mean if it didn't hurt. My best to you, Tom (aka JXM)

To: The Philosopher who wrote (55521)	9/20/1999 5:49:00 PM
From: Sidney Reilly	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 108807

Christopher, That has to be tough. I feel for you. My little girl is 8 and I can't imagine when she's off on her own. It's not over when they leave the nest, is it. It will get easier, but that takes time. One day at a time. I'm sure you pray for them every day. Get the cheapest long distance service you can and bug them to death. lol. I'm sure they would appreciate it, and you & the wife will too. Try calling that 10-10-220, it's $0.99 for 1st 20 minutes. I feel for you! Sidney

To: The Philosopher who wrote (55521)	9/20/1999 7:56:00 PM
From: Lost1	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 108807

Christopher, It sounds to me as if you, yourself, are the one who has the REAL journey ahead. Bask in it..you've earned it. You will learn more about yourself in the next 6 months than you did in the last 10 years. Although my children are still in the beginning stages of finding their freedom and place in the world, you have climbed to the top of a major peak. I wish I could fast-forward and see myself in your position after all the years that I must continue the climb...but I can't. You are the only chance for me to know what it must be like and I appreciate your sharing this with us all. I feel certain that you and Mom did an outstanding job and now it's time to sit back, relax, and BE PROUD of what you and your wife have accomplished. I'm proud of you and I know that your children Love and miss you every moment...You are always with them..Always! They know it and you know it even if no one says it out loud. "Oh The Places You'll Go"--Dr. Seuss Best Wishes, Kirk

To: The Philosopher who wrote (55521)	9/20/1999 9:01:00 PM
From: mph	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 108807

Chris: I know it must be very difficult to face the empty nest, but this is an important time for the whole family. I have no children, but vividly remember when I left home for college. It was one of the most exciting days of my life. I realize that your daughters may be shy and suffer from homesickness at first, but I firmly believe that going away to school is the very best way to really appreciate the college experience. My nephew is living at home and going to a JC. I wish that he could have the experience his mother and I had when we went away to a four year college. There's nothing like it! It's also good for helping students to be more responsible for taking care of themselves. So, look at it from the positive perspective that it will provide an invaluable growth experience for your daughters. Your time together on breaks will be that much better. In the meantime, you and your wife have a chance to get in touch with yourselves as a couple, rather than mom and dad. Not a bad thing either. And if you leave a few tears on the pillow----that makes you a kind and sensitive man in my book, and a father your girls can surely look up to. mph

To: The Philosopher who wrote (55521)	9/20/1999 10:42:00 PM
From: Ilaine	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 108807

Dear me. Well, even I, with my hard heart, can't stand to see a grown man cry. There, there. Here's a Kleenex. Here's a box of Kleenex. Blow your nose. Go wash your face with cold water. You will feel better in the morning. This, too, shall pass. Oh, alright. I'll even give you a big cyber-hug, one of my best bearhugs. Hope your ribs can take it. smoooooooooosh Hope you feel better.

To: The Philosopher who wrote (55521)	9/20/1999 11:24:00 PM
From: greenspirit	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 108807

Christopher, after having read your post, my patience and understanding while cuddling my colicky baby girl rose tenfold tonight. Thanks for sharing, and I think you and your wife should go on a long walk and give yourselves a great big pat on the back for having accomplished something really wonderful. Then come home, flip through some old scrapbooks and have a good cry together. The memories must be very precious after so long. My thoughts and best wishes are with you and yours. Michael