Silicon Investor (SI) -- The First Internet Community

STOCKTALK

We've detected that you're using an ad content blocking browser plug-in or feature. Ads provide a critical source of revenue to the continued operation of Silicon Investor. We ask that you disable ad blocking while on Silicon Investor in the best interests of our community. If you are not using an ad blocker but are still receiving this message, make sure your browser's tracking protection is set to the 'standard' level.

Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Sarkie who wrote (11659)	9/24/1999 7:19:00 PM
From: Sarkie	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 62558

The Diagnosis A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease, combined with horrible stress. If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die." "Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant, and make sure he is in a good mood. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don't burden him with chores, as he probably had a hard day. Don't discuss your problems with him, it will only make his stress worse. And most importantly. make love with your husband several times a week and satisfy his every whim." If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely. On the way home, the husband asked his wife. "What did the doctor say?" "You're going to die," she replied.

To: Sarkie who wrote (11659)	9/25/1999 4:43:00 PM
From: Edwarda	Respond to of 62558

New Laws “The Law of Volunteering” If you dance with a grizzly bear, you had better let him lead. “The Law of Avoiding Oversell” When putting cheese in a mousetrap, always leave room for the mouse. “The Law of Common Sense” Never accept a drink from a urologist. “The Law of Reality” Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose. “The Law of Self Sacrifice When you starve with a tiger, the tiger starves last. “The Law of Motivation” Creativity is great, but plagiarism is faster. “Boob's Law” You always find something in the last place you look. “Weiler's Law” Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself. “Law of Probable Dispersal” Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed. “Law of Volunteer Labor” People are always available for work in the past tense. “Conway's Law” In any organization there is one person who knows what is going on. That person must be fired. “Iron Law of Distribution” Them that has, gets. “Law of Cybernetic Entomology” There is always one more bug. “Law of Drunkedness” You can't fall off the floor. “Heller's Law” The first myth of management is that it exists. “Osborne's Law” Variables won't; constants aren't. “Main's Law” For every action there is an equal and opposite government program. “Weinberg's Second Law” If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would have destroyed civilization.

To: Sarkie who wrote (11659)	9/25/1999 4:49:00 PM
From: Edwarda	Respond to of 62558

Job Interview Reaching the end of a job interview, the human resources person asked a young engineer fresh out of MIT, “And what starting salary were you looking for?” The engineer said, “In the neighborhood of $140,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.” The interviewer said, “Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years .. say, a red Corvette?” The engineer sat up straight and said, “Wow! Are you kidding?” And the interviewer replied, “Yeah I am, but you started it.”

To: Sarkie who wrote (11659)	9/25/1999 4:51:00 PM
From: Edwarda	Respond to of 62558

Denounce Him The priest was preparing a man for his long day's journey into night. Whispering firmly, the priest said, “Denounce the devil! Let him know how little you think of his evil!” The dying man said nothing. The priest repeated his order. Still the dying man said nothing. The priest asked, “Why do you refuse to denounce the devil and his evil?” The dying man said, “Until I know where I'm heading, I don't think I ought to aggravate anybody!”

To: Sarkie who wrote (11659)	9/25/1999 4:55:00 PM
From: Edwarda	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 62558

Some of these are old but funny nonetheless: THE BEST BUMPER STICKERS IN NEW YORK CITY 1. HANG UP and drive! 2. If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you! 3. Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you're a moron! 4. You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you! 5. You are depriving some poor village of its idiot. 6. Forget world peace. Visualize using your turn signal. 7. All Men Are Animals, Some Just Make Better Pets 8. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke. 9. BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore. 10. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. 11. All men are idiots....and I married their king. 12. The more you complain, the longer God makes you live. 13. IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got. 14. Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now. 15. Out of my mind...Back in five minutes. 16. I took an IQ test and the results were negative. 17. Where there's a will...I want to be on it. 18. It's lonely at the top, but you eat better. 19. Don't drink and drive...You might hit a bump and spill your drink. 20. We are born naked, wet, and hungry...Then things get worse. 21. Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies. 22. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps. 23. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again? 24. Be nice to your kids...They will pick out your nursing home. 25. Always remember you're unique...Just like everyone else.