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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Don Pueblo who wrote (11692)	9/26/1999 11:40:00 PM
From: Don Pueblo	Respond to of 62558

A golfer is in a competitive match with a friend, who is ahead by a couple of strokes. The golfer says to himself, "I'd give anything to sink this next putt." A stranger walks up to him and whispers, "Would you give up a fourth of your sex life?" The golfer thinks the man is crazy and that his answer will be meaningless. At the same time he thinks this might be a good omen, so he says, "Okay," and sinks the putt. Two holes later he mumbles to himself, "Boy, if I could only get an eagle on this hole." The same stranger moves to his side and says, "Would it be worth another fourth of your sex life?" The golfer shrugs and says, "Sure." He makes an eagle. On the final hole, the golfer needs yet another eagle to win. Though he says nothing, the stranger moves to his side and says, "Would you be willing to give up the rest of your sex life to win this match?" The golfer says, "Certainly!" He makes the eagle. As the golfer walks to the club house, the stranger walks alongside and says, "You know I've really not been fair with you because you don't know who I am. I'm the devil, and from now on you really will have no sex life." "Nice to meet you," says the golfer. "My name is Father O'Malley."

To: Don Pueblo who wrote (11692)	9/26/1999 11:48:00 PM
From: Don Pueblo	Respond to of 62558

Four strangers traveled together in the same compartment of a European train. Two men and two women faced each other. One woman was a very wealthy and sophisticated 75 year old lady who was decked out in the finest of furs and jewelry. Next to her sat a beautiful young woman, nineteen yrs. old--who looked like something right off the cover of a fashion magazine. Across from the older lady was a man in his late-forties who was a Sergeant Major in the Army. And next to the Sergeant Major sat a young Private fresh out of boot camp. As these four strangers traveled, they talked and chatted about trivial things until they entered an unlighted tunnel, and there they sat in complete darkness and total silence, until the sound of a distinct kiss broke the silence; following the kiss a loud slap could be heard throughout the cabin. In the ensuing period of silence the four strangers sat quietly with their own thoughts. The older lady was thinking, "Isn't it wonderful that even in this permissive day and age there are still young women who have a little self-respect and dignity?" The young woman, shaking her head and greatly puzzled, asked herself, "Why in the world would any man in his right mind want to kiss an old fossil like that when I'm sitting here?" The Sergeant Major, rubbing his sore face, was outraged that any woman could ever think that a man in his position would try to sneak a kiss in the dark. And the private, grinning from ear to ear, was thinking, "What a wonderful world this is when a Private can kiss the back of his hand and then smack the Sergeant Major in the face and get away with it!"

To: Don Pueblo who wrote (11692)	9/27/1999 12:01:00 AM
From: Don Pueblo	Respond to of 62558

1. Never trust a dog to watch your food. - Patrick, age 10 2. When your dad is mad and asks you, "Do I look stupid?" don't answer him. - Michael, 14 3. Never tell your mom her diet's not working. - Michael, 14 4. Stay away from prunes. - Randy, 9 5. Never pee on an electric fence. - Robert, 13 6. Don't squat with your spurs on. - Noronha, 13 7. Don't pull dad's finger when he tells you to. - Emily, 10 8. When your mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair. Taylia, 11 9. Never allow your three-year old brother in the same room as your school assignment. - Traci, 14 10. Never hold a dust buster and a cat at the same time. - Kyoyo, 9 11. You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass o milk. - Armir, 9 12. Felt markers are not good to use as lipstick. - Lauren, 9 13. Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat. - Joel, 10 14. When you get a bad grade in school, don't show it to your mom when she's on the phone. - Alyesha, 13 15. Never try to baptize a cat. - Eileen, 8

To: Don Pueblo who wrote (11692)	9/27/1999 12:07:00 AM
From: Don Pueblo	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62558

A boy and his father visiting from a third world country were at a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny silver walls that could move apart and back together again. The boy asked his father "What is this Father?". The father responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life. I don't know what it is!" While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled in between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights with numbers above the walls light up. They continued to watch ten circles light up in the reverse direction. The walls opened up again and a voluptuous 24 year old woman stepped out. The father said to his son, "Go get your mother, please."