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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Lamont who wrote (11893)	10/8/1999 8:07:00 PM
From: gouldian	Read Replies (3) \| Respond to of 62571

A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and talk turns to their adventures on the sea. The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg leg, a hook, and an eye patch. The seaman asks "So, how did you end up with the peg leg?" The pirate replies "We were in a storm at sea, and I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off" "Wow!" said the seaman. "What about your hook"? "Well,", replied the pirate, "we were boarding an enemy ship and were battling the other sailors with swords. One of the enemy cut my hand off." "Incredible!" remarked the seaman. "How did you get the eyepatch"? "A seagull dropping fell into my eye," replied the pirate. "You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?" the sailor asked incredulously. "Well,", said the pirate, "it was my first day with the hook."

To: Lamont who wrote (11893)	10/10/1999 9:35:00 PM
From: John Messbauer	Respond to of 62571

A young woman was having a physical examination and was very embarrassed because of a weight problem. As she removed her last bit of clothing, she blushed. "I'm so ashamed,Doctor, she said . I guess I let myself go."The physician was checking hers eyes and ears. "Don't feel ashamed, Miss. You don't look that bad." "Do you really think so, Doctor?" she asked. The doctor held a tongue depressor in front of her face and said, "Of course. Now just open your mouth and say moo." ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ It seems this guy had been experimenting with an unusual method of seeking autoerotic gratification; namely, inserting a live fish into his anus.What he hadn't counted on was the fish's scales acting, in effect, like one of those sets of driveway spikes that allow you to drive over them one way but puncture your tires if you try to go the other way. In his pain and panic, he dialed 9-1-1. The EMT arrived, surveyed the situation, and said, "Son, you gotta learn to chew your food better."