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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Mephisto who wrote (11937)	10/12/1999 8:32:00 AM
From: Edwarda	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

Stolen from the Babson College website: When Microsoft moves to Southern Georgia By Dick Bishop Published 10/06/98 Fer all you tekkies out thar, here's the real scoop on what will happen when Microsoft moves to Southern Georgia 1. Their #1 product would be Microsoft Winders 2. Instead of an hourglass icon you'd get an empty beer bottle 3. Occasionally you'd bring up a window that was covered with a Hefty bag. 4. Dialog boxes would give you the choice of “Ahh-ight” or “Naw” 5. Instead of “Ta-Da”, the opening sound would be "Dueling Banjos" 6. The “Recycle Bin” in Winders ‘95 would be an outhouse 7. Whenever you pulled up the Sound Player you'd hear a digitized drunk redneck yelling “Freebird” 8. Instead of “Start Me Up”, the Winders ‘95 theme song would be 'Achy-Breaky Heart ' 9. PowerPoint would be named “ParPawnt” 10. Microsoft's programming tools would be “Vishul Basic” and 'Vishul C++” 11. Winders 95 logo would incorporate the Confederate Flag 12. Microsoft Word would be just that: one word 13. Instead of latte carts we'd have grits carts 14. New Shutdown WAV: “Y'all come back now, Yah hear?]” 15. Instead of VP, Microsoft big shots would be called “Cuz” 16. Hardware could be repaired using parts from an old Trans Am 17. Microsoft Office replaced with Micr'sawft Henhouse 18. Four words: Daisy Duke Screen Saver 19. Well, the first thing you know, old Bill's a billionaire 20. Speadsheet software would include examples to inventory dead cars in your front yard 21. Flight Simulator replaced by Tractor pull Simulator 22. Microsoft CEO: Bubba Gates

To: Mephisto who wrote (11937)	10/12/1999 11:48:00 AM
From: Tecinvestor	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

On a windy day in New York City a Hasidic Rabbi's fur hat flew off and was rescued by a man who returned it to the Rabbi. "Thank you, thank you --" said the Rabbi, "-- are you Jewish?" "No," said the man. "Well," said the Rabbi, "I can't bless you, but I see an afternoon of great wealth for you." The man thinks, "What can it be? I know --I can make the last four races at the horse track." He goes and looks at the program and sees a horse named Top Hat in the next race. An omen, he thinks, and bets $100 and wins. The next race has a horse named Stetson -- again he bets it all and wins. The next race features a horse named Beret, and he naturally wins again. He bets it all on the next race and loses everything. He goes home and tells his wife the story. "What horse did you bet on in the last race?" she asks. He says, "Chateau -- French for hat." "Idiot," she says, "chapeau is French for hat -- by the way, who won the race?" "I don't know," he says, "some Japanese horse called Yomika!"