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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Phil(bullrider) who wrote (12266)	10/31/1999 11:02:00 PM
From: Neenny	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

Phil, that is great. but you have forever dampened my desire to have the perfect "suburbanite" lawn. I think mine must be exactly what God intended!! Guess that means......I don't need to finish raking those leaves out there??? smiles Neenny

To: Phil(bullrider) who wrote (12266)	11/1/1999 9:57:00 AM
From: PMS Witch	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 62549

I've tried 'natural' yard maintenance a few times. First, I hate raking up walnuts. They turn to mush and ooze an oil that stains everything it touches; BUT, they kill the lawn if left, so every fall I get out the tractor, trailer, shovel, and rake and go at it. One year I was sick and couldn't do it. Surprise! The walnuts' outer shells rotted away, the squirrels carried off the inner nuts, and the lawn looked no different than those years I toiled to get rid of them. Second, I hate cleaning the eaves. I read about people who throw walnuts onto the roof, let them roll down and get burried in the trash filling the eaves. The squirrels thrash around to get these nuts and in the process clean the eaves. I tried this one fall. Just to be sure, I bought some extra walnuts for the job. Sure enough the squirrels dug at them. Next spring, I was faced with an eaves full of trash, walnut shells, and squirrel shit. Third, Cinch bugs. Poison seems to make these things grow. Skunks dig for the grubs and leave the sod root-side-up. I have a mixture of brown grass where the grubs ate the roots, and black mud where the skunks ate the grubs. I have no desire to meet either grubs, bugs, or skunks. Last, Racoons. I've been blessed with a family of racoons being brought into the world in my chimney. After midnight, they play soccer on the roof using a sheet metal ball -- at least that's what it sounds like. If they don't wake me up, they call on the Great Horned Owls to hoot like hell until I get up, turn on the deck lights, open the door, and curse at them a bit. (This usually wakes the neighbour's hounds.) By November, snow usually covers the whole mess and I get some rest, at least until April. (The Commander runs the snow-blower.) Now that I've moved to an apartment, I miss this stuff. Cheers, PW.