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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: High Grader who wrote (12774)	12/8/1999 11:52:00 AM
From: Calvin Scott	Read Replies (3) \| Respond to of 62558

A scantily dressed girl goes to confession. “Father, I called a man a son-of-a-bitch yesterday.” “Why did you call him a son-of-a-bitch??” the priest asked. “Because, Father, he touched me on my arm without permission.” “Do you mean like this??” He touches her arm. “Yes, Father.” “That's no reason for calling him a son-of-a-bitch.” “But Father, he also touched my breasts.” “You mean like this??” He touches her breasts. “Yes, Father.” “That's no reason to call him a son-of-a-bitch.” “But Father, he took off my clothes.” “Like this??” He takes off her clothes. “Yes, Father.” “That's no reason to call him a son-of-a-bitch.” “But Father, he put his you-know-what, in my you-know-where.” “Like this??” He puts his you-know-what in her you-know-where. “Y-Y-Yes Father,” she says sometime later. “But that's no reason to call him a son-of-a-bitch.” “But Father, he has Herpes.” "Why that son-of-a-bitch"!!!!!

To: High Grader who wrote (12774)	12/8/1999 12:06:00 PM
From: Calvin Scott	Respond to of 62558

Olde but Goode for Christmas...... One particular Christmas season a long time ago, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip ... but there were problems everywhere. Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule. Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her Mom was coming to visit. This stressed Santa even more. When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where. More stress. Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys. So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of coffee and a shot of whiskey. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered that the elves had hid the liquor and there was nothing to drink. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the coffee pot and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw it was made from. Just then the doorbell rang and Santa cussed on his way to the door. He opened the door and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree. The angel said, very cheerfully, “Merry Christmas Santa. Isn't it just a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Isn't it just a lovely tree? Where would you like me to stick it?” Thus began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.