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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Peter S. Maroulis who wrote (12978)	1/10/2000 12:39:00 PM
From: Edwarda	Respond to of 62549

THE SAGA OF MANAGEMENT REVIEWS OF REPORTS Question: How many feet to mice have? Original Reply: Mice have four feet. Mgmt comment: Elaborate. Revision 1: Mice have five appendages, four of which are feet. Mgmt comment: No discussion of fifth appendage. Revision 2: Mice have five appendages; four of them are feet and one is a tail. Mgmt comment: What? Feet with no legs? Revision 3: Mice have four legs, four feet, and one tail per mouse. Mgmt comment: Confusing. Is that a total of 9 appendages? Revision 4: Mice have four leg-foot assemblies and one tail assembly per body. Mgmt comment: Does not fully discuss the issue. Revision 5: Each mouse comes equipped with four legs and a tail. Each leg is equipped with a foot at the end opposite the body; the tail is not equipped with a foot. Mgmt comment: Descriptive but not decisive. Revision 6: Allotment for mice will be: FOUR LEG-FOOT ASSEMBLIES, ONE TAIL. Deviation from this policy is not permitted as it would constitute misapportionment of scare appendage assets. Mgmt comment: Too authoritative, stifles creativity. Revision 7: Mice have four feet; each foot is attached to a small leg joined integrally with the overall mouse structural sub-system. Also attached to the mouse sub-system is a thin tail, non functional and ornamental in nature. Mgmt comment: Too verbose and scientific. Answer the question. Final Revision: Mice have four feet. Mgmt comment: Approved.

To: Peter S. Maroulis who wrote (12978)	1/10/2000 12:46:00 PM
From: Edwarda	Read Replies (4) \| Respond to of 62549

Jokes to offend everyone Which sexual position produces the ugliest children? Ask your mom. ======================================================= How do you know when you're REALLY ugly? Dogs hump your leg with their eyes closed. ======================================================= What is the quickest way to clear out a men's restroom? Say, "Nice dick." ======================================================= How do you know you're leading a sad life? When a nymphomaniac tells you, "Let's just be friends." ======================================================= Why don't bunnies make noise when they make love? Because they have cotton balls. ======================================================== Mom's have Mother's Day, Father's have Father's Day. What do single guys have? Palm Sunday ======================================================= Why is being in the military like a blowjob? The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel. ======================================================= What do you call a ninety year old man who can still masturbate? Miracle Whip. ======================================================= What does a 75 year old woman have between her breasts? Her navel. ======================================================= What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies? A bingo machine. ======================================================= What's the difference between a porcupine and a Mercedes? The porcupine has pricks on the outside. ======================================================= Why did God create alcohol? So ugly people have a chance to have sex too. ====================================================== What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant? "Are you sure it's mine?" ====================================================== What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Beer nuts are a $1.25 but deer nuts are always under a buck. ===================================================== What three two-letter words denote "small"? "Is it in?" ===================================================== Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex? Mace will do that to you. =================================================== If you are having sex with one woman and another walks in, what do you have? Divorce proceedings, most likely. =================================================== Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia? Everyone has the same DNA. ======================================================= And Some To Offend Damn-Near Everyone. . . How can you tell the Irish guy is in the hospital? He's the one blowing the foam off of his bedpan ==================== Where does an Irish family go on vacation? A different bar. ===================== Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby? They named him Sum Ting Wong. ==================== What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other? A speech impediment. ==================== What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at halfmast? They're hiring. ==================== Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? Breasts don't have eyes. ======================== What do you call an Australian farmer with a sheep under each arm? A pimp. =================== Why do drivers education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays? Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it. =================== What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo? A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage, along with a recipe. =================== How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say fck? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell BINGO*! ==================== What's the difference between a northern fairy tale and a southern fairytale? A northern fairy tale begins "Once upon a time..." A southern fairy tale begins, 'Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit...