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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Edwarda who wrote (13379)	2/8/2000 11:04:00 PM
From: MrsNose	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62550

There were two guys who wanted to pick up women on a beach. One was Italian (Vito) and the other was Russian (Vladamir). Vito had no problem picking up gorgeous women; he was the most popular guy on the beach. But Vladamir had no success. Vladamir: "Vito! How do you do it? How do you attract so many beautiful women?" Vito: "Well, I'll tell ya! But it's a secret....just between you and me. I don't want my system to become too public." Vladamir: "OK. Its a deal." Vito: "You see those potatoes over there? Well, every time I come to the beach I take one and put it in my Speedos. When the women see it they come running from miles around." Vladamir: "That's it? I can do that." The next day, Vladamir went over to the produce stand and picked out the biggest, most perfectly shaped potato he could find. He then went into the changing room and slipped it into his Speedos. As he walked out onto the beach he immediately noticed that women AND men began to take notice of him. "Its working!" he thought. But soon he began to realize that they were not looking interested but rather upset, almost disgusted by the sight of him. He rushed over to Vito and asked "Vito, what's the problem? Why isn't it working?" Vito: "Because you're supposed to put the potato in the front!"

To: Edwarda who wrote (13379)	2/9/2000 12:42:00 AM
From: Neenny	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62550

Edwarda...... interesting choice of words.....funnier than "the spread"..... LOL Jane

To: Edwarda who wrote (13379)	2/10/2000 12:23:00 PM
From: Peter S. Maroulis	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62550

Abraham, an old Jewish immigrant, is a yarn merchant. He lives in New Jersey next door to the biggest Anti-Semite in town. One day the Anti-Semite calls up Abraham and says, "Hey Jew!!!...I want to buy a piece of orange yarn. The length must be from the tip of your nose to the tip of your penis, and I want it delivered tomorrow." Abe says "OK" The next morning the Anti-Semite is awoken at 7am by the sound of trucks. He runs outside to see the trucks dumping truckload after truckload of orange yarn in his front yard. Soon the yard is a sea of orange yarn 5feet deep. Abe then presents a bill for $12,000 to the Anti-Semite. The guy starts yelling and screaming at Abe. He says, "Jew, what are you doing to me? I asked you for a piece of yarn from the end of your nose to the tip of your penis. Look at this place. What do you have to say for yourself?" Abe replies, "The tip of my penis is in Poland."