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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: AugustWest who wrote (13501)	2/20/2000 4:43:00 AM
From: Intrepid1	Respond to of 62549

How many Qualcomm investors does it take to change a light bulb? - - - - - - - - Two: One to mix the martinis while the other one calls the electrician.

To: AugustWest who wrote (13501)	2/20/2000 10:25:00 AM
From: Edwarda	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

> The Top 12 New Year's Resolutions Made by Pets > > (originally published January 8, 1997) > > >12> Have a torrid one-night stand with a street mutt. > >11> Try to understand that the cat is from Venus and I am > from Mars. > >10> I will no longer be beholden to the sound of the can opener. > > 9> Circulate petition that Leg Humping be a juried competition > in major dog shows. > > 8> Call PETA and tell them what that surgical mask-wearing > freak does to us when no one is around. > > 7> Take time from busy schedule to stop and smell the behinds. > > 6> Hamster: Don't let them figure out I'm just a rat on 'roids, > or they'll flush my ass. > > 5> Always scoot before licking. > > 4> Grow opposable thumb; break into pantry; decide for MYSELF > how much food is too much. > > 3> Get out of the castle more, maybe swim counter-clockwise > this year. > > 2> January 1st: Kill the sock! Must kill the sock! > January 2nd - December 31: Re-live victory over the sock. > > > and TopFive.com's New Year's Resolution Made by Pets... > > > 1> I will NOT chase the damned stick unless I see it LEAVE > HIS HAND.