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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Edwarda who wrote (13749)	3/11/2000 8:08:00 AM
From: John Carragher	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 62558

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? > > > > Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not > > > > live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, > > > > then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, > > > > which is why I would not live forever." > > > > --Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest. > > > > > > > > "Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving > > > > kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean > > > > I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those > > > > flies and death and stuff,"-Mariah Carey > > > > > > > > "Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very > > > > important part of your life."-Brooke Shields..... > > > > during an interview to become spokesperson for a > > > > federal anti smoking campaign. > > > > > > > > "I've never had major knee surgery on any other part > > > > of my body."-Winston Bennett, University of > > > > Kentucky basketball forward. > > > > > > > > "Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the > > > > lowest crime rates in the country."-Mayor Marion > > > > Barry, Washington, DC. > > > > > > > > > > > > "I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through > > > > our papers. We are the president."-Hillary Clinton, > > > > commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents. > > > > > > > > "That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to > > > > death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it." > > > > -- A congressional candidate in Texas. > > > > > > > > "I don't feel we did wrong in taking this great > > > > country away from them. There were great numbers of > > > > people who needed new land, and the Indians were > > > > selfishly trying to keep it for themselves."-John Wayne > > > > > > > > "It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. > > > > It's the impurities in our air and water that are > > > > doing it."-Al Gore, Vice President > > > > > > > > "If you let that sort of thing go on, your bread and > > > > butter will be cut right out from under your feet." > > > > -- Former British foreign minister, Ernest Bevin. > > > > > > > > "I love California. I practically grew up in > > > > Phoenix."-Dan Quayle > > > > > > > > > > > > "I have opinions of my own -strong opinions - but I > > > > don't always agree with them."-George Bush, US President > > > > > > > > "We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much > > > > clean air do we need?"-Lee Iacocca > > > > > > > > "I was provided with additional input that was > > > > radically different from the truth. I assisted in > > > > furthering that version."-Colonel Oliver North, > > > > from his Iran-Contra testimony. > > > > > > > > "The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A > > > > genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."-Joe Theisman, > > > > NFL football quarterback & sports analyst. > > > > > > > > "We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply > > > > exclude certain types of people."-Colonel Gerald Wellman, > > > > ROTC Instructor. > > > > > > > > "If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure." > > > > --Bill Clinton, President > > > > > > > > > > > > "Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come > > > > from overseas."-Keppel Enderbery > > > > > > > > "The loss of life will be irreplaceable."-Dan Quayle > > > > > > > > "I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the > > > > only regret I have is that I didn't study my Latin > > > > harder in school so I could converse with those > > > > people."-Dan Quayle, VP > > > > > > > > "It is wonderful to be here in the great state of > > > > Chicago.-Dan Quayle, VP > > > > > > > > > > > > "Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 > > > > because we received notice that you passed away. May > > > > God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change > > > > in your circumstances."-Department of Social Services, > > > > Greenville, South Carolina > > > > > > > > "We apologize for the error in last week's paper in > > > > which we stated that Mr. Arnold Dogbody was a > > > > defective in the police force. We meant, of course, > > > > that Mr. Dogbody is a detective in the police farce." > > > > --Correction Notice in the Ely Standard, a British > > > > newspaper > > > > > > > > "If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this > > > > jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor > > > > their heart throughout the night. And the next > > > > morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a > > > > record."-Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman >>