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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: David Miller who wrote (13776)	3/14/2000 11:09:00 AM
From: Barney	Respond to of 62551

Get'n A New 'Depty The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so ole Billy Bob, not exactly the sharpest nail in the bucket, figured to go in try for the job. "Okay," the sheriff drawled, "Billy Bob, what is 1 and 1?" "11", he replied. The sheriff mused to himself, "That's not what I meant, but the boy's right." "What two days of the weekstart with the letter 'T'?" "Today and tomorrow." He was again surprised that Billy Bob supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of hisself. . . "Listen up now, Billy Bob, Who killed Abraham Lincoln?" Billy Bob looked a little surprised himself, then thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted, "Derned if ah know Sheriff." "Well, why don't you go home and work on that one for a while." So, ole Billy Bob wandered over to the bowlin' alley where his pals were waiting to hear the results of the interview. Our hero was just thrilled. "It went great! First day on the job and I'm already working on a murder case!"

To: David Miller who wrote (13776)	3/14/2000 11:33:00 AM
From: Karen Lawrence	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 62551

David, this Nine Famous Irishmen story is not quite an urban legend - Your questioning prompted me to do a search. I found this: "The Irish tell the world's most marvellous stories. Sometimes they even contain elements of the truth. An example. In an Irish pub called the Black Rose - a translation of Roisin Dubh which is one of the many allegorical names for Ireland - they have place-mats. One tells how in the Young Irish disorders of 1848, nine men were convicted of treason in Ireland and sentenced to death. This was later commuted by Queen Victoria to transportation for life to Australia. In 1874, Queen Victoria found that one of the nine men had become Sir Charles Duffy and also Prime Minister of Australia. Of the other eight Morris Lyene had become Attorney-General of Australia and the rest were all prominent politicians or generals in the United States. That is the story. Now the truth. Sir Charles Duffy was indeed an Irish Nationalist and, true, was tried for sedition. There was a hung jury and he was released. He emigrated - was not deported - to Australia in 1855 and became Premier of Victoria, not Prime Minister of Australia, in 1871 and lasted at the job for 12 months. In 1874 when Queen Victoria was, according to the placemat, allegedly investigating his position as Prime Minister of Australia, Sir Charles was, in fact, in England being offered a job in the British House of Commons. But why should boring facts stand in the way of a great story?"

To: David Miller who wrote (13776)	3/14/2000 12:56:00 PM
From: John Carragher	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62551

Facts You Never Knew You Didn't Know > > > > The longest one-syllable word in the English language is "screeched." > > > > "Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt". > > > > Almonds are members of the peach family. > > > > The symbol on the "pound" key (#) is called an octothorpe. > > > > The dot over the letter 'i' is called a tittle. > > > > Ingrown toenails are hereditary. > > > > The word "set" has more definitions than any other word in the English > > language. > > > > "Underground" is the only word in the English language that begins and > > ends with the letters "und." > > > > There are only four words in the English language which end in"-dous": > > tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous. > > > > The longest word in the English language, according to the Oxford > > English Dictionary, is pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis. > > > > The only other word with the same amount of letters is > > pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconioses, its plural. > > > > The longest place-name still in use is: > > >Taumatawhakatangihangakoauauotamateaturipukakapikimaungahoronukupokaiwenua > > kitnatahu, a New Zealand hill. > > > > Los Angeles's full name is "El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de > > los Angeles de Porciuncula" and can be abbreviated to 3.63% of its > > size, "L.A." > > > > An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. > > > > Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur. > > > > Alfred Hitchcock didn't have a belly button. It was eliminated when he > > was sewn up after surgery. > > > > Telly Savalas and Louis Armstrong died on their birthdays. > > > > Donald Duck's middle name is Fauntleroy. > > > > The muzzle of a lion is like a fingerprint - no two lions have the same > > pattern of whiskers. > > > > A pregnant goldfish is called a twit. > > > > The Ramses brand condom is named after the great pharaoh Ramses II who > > fathered over 160 children. > > > > There is a seven letter word in the English language that contains ten > > words without rearranging any of its letters, "therein": the, there, > > he, in, rein, her, here, ere, therein, herein. > > > > Dueling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are registered > > blood donors. > > > > John Larroquette of "Night Court" and "The John Larroquette Show" was > > the narrator of "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre." > > > > A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds. > > > > It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open. > > > > Cranberries are sorted for ripeness by bouncing them; a fully ripened > > cranberry can be dribbled like a basketball. > > > > The male gypsy moth can "smell" the virgin female gypsy moth from 1.8 > > miles away. > > > > The letters KGB stand for Komitet Gosudarstvennoy Bezopasnosti. > > > > "Stewardesses" is the longest word that can be typed with only the left > > hand. > > > > To "testify" was based on men in the Roman court swearing to a > > statement made by swearing on their testicles. > > > > The combination "ough" can be pronounced in nine different ways. The > > following sentence contains them all: "A rough-coated, dough-faced, > > thoughtful ploughman strode through the streets of Scarborough; after > > falling into a slough, he coughed and hiccoughed." > > > > The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter > > is uncopyrightable. > > > > Facetious and abstemious contain all the vowels in the correct order, > > as does arsenious, meaning "containing arsenic." > > > > Emus and kangaroos cannot walk backwards, and are on the Australian > > coat of arms for that reason. > > > > Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds, while dogs only have about >ten. > > > > The word "Checkmate" in chess comes from the Persian phrase "Shah Mat," > > which means "the king is dead." > > > > The reason firehouses have circular stairways is from the days of yore > > when the engines were pulled by horses. The horses were stabled on the > > ground floor and figured out how to walk up straight staircases.