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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: MrsNose who wrote (13866)	3/21/2000 11:37:00 AM
From: Barney	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62558

The Wheel of Life... America... this country is so full of opportunity! Where else can a wife hire a woman to do her housework so she can volunteer at the Day Care Center where the cleaning woman leaves her child. . .

To: MrsNose who wrote (13866)	3/21/2000 11:38:00 AM
From: Barney	Respond to of 62558

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again? -------------- A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking...

To: MrsNose who wrote (13866)	3/21/2000 11:47:00 AM
From: Barney	Respond to of 62558

I Know What You're Thinking.... The weather was very hot and Fred wanted desperately to take a dive in a nearby lake. He didn't bring his swim suit, but who cared? He was all alone. So he undressed and got into the water. After some delightful minutes of cool swimming, a pair of old ladies walked onto the shore in his direction. He panicked, got out of the water and grabbed a bucket lying in the sand nearby. He strategically posistioned the bucket and sighed with relief. The ladies got nearby and looked at him. He felt awkward and wanted to move. Then one of the ladies said: 'You know, I have a special gift, I can read minds...' 'Impossible', said the embarrassed man, 'You really know what I think?' 'Yes', the lady said with a grin, 'In fact, right now, I bet you think that the bucket you're holding has a bottom.' -=#=--=#=--=#=--=#=--=#=--=#=--=#=--=#=--=#=--=#=--=#=- I don't have a solution; but I admire the problem.

To: MrsNose who wrote (13866)	3/21/2000 11:51:00 AM
From: Barney	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62558

The National Poetry Contest had come down to two semifinalists --- A Yale graduate and a redneck from Wyoming. They were given a word, then allowed two minutes to study the word a come up with a poem that contained the word. The word they were given was "Timbuktu." First to recite his poem was the Yale graduate. He stepped to the microphone and said ------------ Slowly across the desert sand Trekked a lonely caravan Men on camels, two by two Destination-Timbuktu. The crowd went crazy! No way could the redneck top that, they thought. The redneck calmly made his way to the microphone and recited-------- Me and Tim a huntin went Met three whores in a pop up tent They was three, and we was two So I bucked one, and Timbuktu

To: MrsNose who wrote (13866)	3/21/2000 11:55:00 AM
From: Barney	Respond to of 62558

12 Points to Ponder 1. Don't go for looks' it can deceive; don't go for wealth for even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile because only a smile makes a dark day seem bright. 2. Its' true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives. 3. Always put yourself in other's shoes. If you feel that it hurts you, it probably does hurt the person, too. 4. A careless word may kindle strife; a cruel word may wreck a life; a timely word may level stress; a loving word may heal and bless. 5. The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way. 6. Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one so that when we finally meet the right person, we should know how to be grateful for that gift. 7. It takes a minute to have a crush on someone, an hour to like someone and a day to love someone - but it takes a lifetime to forget someone ( true !!!! ) 8. Love is when you take away the feeling, the passion, the romance and you find that you still care for that person. 9. A sad thing about life is that when you meet someone who means a lot to you only to find out in the end that it was never bound to be and you just have to let go. 10. Love starts with a smile, develops with a kiss and ends with a tear. 11. Never say goodbye when you still want to try - never give up when you still feel you can take it - never say you don't love that person anymore when you can't let go. 12. There are things you love to hear but you would never hear it from the person whom you would like to hear it from, but don't be deaf to hear it from the person who says it with his heart.