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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: The Philosopher who wrote (14070)	4/12/2000 10:24:00 PM
From: E	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 62549

Turn on your speakers for this: io.spaceports.com

To: The Philosopher who wrote (14070)	4/13/2000 8:01:00 AM
From: Edwarda	Respond to of 62549

A C-141 was preparing for departure from a base in Thule, Greenland and they were waiting for the truck to arrive to pump out the aircraft's sewage holding tank. The Aircraft Commander was in a hurry, but the truck was late in arriving, and the Airman performing the job was extremely slow in getting the tank pumped out. When the Aircraft Commander berated the Airman for his lack of speed and promised to pursue punitive action, the Airman responded: "Sir, I have no stripes, it is 20 below zero, I am stationed in Thule and I am pumping shit out of airplanes. Just what are you planning to do to punish me?"

To: The Philosopher who wrote (14070)	4/13/2000 8:30:00 AM
From: Edwarda	Read Replies (3) \| Respond to of 62549

> > >A defense attorney was cross-examining a police officer during a felony >trial - it went like this: > >Q. Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene? >A. No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description >of the offender running several blocks away. > >Q. Officer, who provided this description? >A. The officer who responded to the scene. > >Q. A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. >Do you trust your fellow officers? >A. Yes sir, with my life. > >Q. With your life? Let me ask you this then officer - do you have a >locker room in the police station - a room where you change your clothes >in preparation for your daily duties? >A. Yes sir, we do. > >Q. And do you have a locker in that room? >A. Yes sir, I do. > >Q. And do you have a lock on your locker? >A. Yes sir. > >Q. Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your >life, that you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share >with those same officers? >A. You see sir, we share the building with a court complex, and sometimes >lawyers have been known to walk through that room. > >With that, the courtroom erupted in laughter, and a prompt recess was >called. The officer on the stand has been nominated for this year's "Best >come-back" line, and we think he'll win.

To: The Philosopher who wrote (14070)	4/14/2000 12:11:00 PM
From: Edwarda	Respond to of 62549

A doctor tells a rich old man that he's going to die if he doesn't get a new heart soon. The old man tells the doctor to search the world for the best heart available, money is no object. A few days later the doctor calls the old man and says he has found three hearts but they are all expensive. The old man reminds the doctor that he is filthy rich and implores him to tell him about the donors they came from. "Well, the first one belonged to 22-year-old marathon runner who never smoked, ate only the most healthy foods, was in peak condition when he was hit by a bus. No damage to the heart, of course. But it costs $100,000!" The old man, waving off the last part about the cost, asks the doctor to tell him about the second donor. "This one belonged to a 16-year-old long-distance swimmer, high school kid. Lean and mean. Drowned when he hit his head on the side of the pool. That heart'll set you back $150,000!" "Okay," said the old man, 'what about the third heart?" "Well this one belonged to a 58 year-old man. He smoked three packs of cigarettes a day, weighed over 300 pounds, never exercised, drank like a fish... This heart is going for $500,000!!!" "Five hundred grand?!" the old man exclaimed. "Why so expensive?" "Well", said the doctor, "this heart belonged to a lawyer... so it was never used!"