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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: E who wrote (14071)	4/13/2000 12:27:00 AM
From: Barney	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 62549

Subject: Fwd: Only in America 1. Only in America...... can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance. 2. Only in America...... are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink. 3. Only in America...... do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front. 4. Only in America...... do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke. 5. Only in America...... do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters. 6. Only in America...... do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage. 7. Only in America...... do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place. 8. Only in America...... do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight. 9. Only in America...... do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poll' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'. 10. Only in America...... do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering. 11. Only in America...... does it take less time to purchase a gun, than to fill out the paperwork in the hospital when you get shot by one.

To: E who wrote (14071)	4/13/2000 8:11:00 AM
From: Edwarda	Respond to of 62549

A man was sitting at a bar enjoying an after work cocktail when an exceptionally gorgeous & sexy young woman entered. She was so striking that the man could not take his eyes away from her. The young woman noticed his overly attentive stare & walked directly toward him. Before he could offer his apologies for being so rude, the young woman said to him, 'I'll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how naughty, for $100 on one condition.' Flabbergasted, the man asked what the condition was. The young woman replied, 'You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words.' The man considered her proposition for a moment, withdrew his wallet from his pocket & slowly counted out five $20 bills, which he pressed into the young woman's hand. He looked deeply into her eyes & slowly, meaningfully said, 'Paint my house.'