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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: sandintoes who wrote (14209)	4/30/2000 2:30:00 AM
From: Arctic Trader	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

There was a German, an Italian and a Redneck on death row. The warden gave them a choice of three ways to die: 1 was to be shot 2 was to be hung 3 was to be injected with the A.I.D.S. virus. So the German said, "Shoot me right in the head." (Boom, he was dead instantly). Then the Italian said, "Just hang me." (Snap, he was dead.) Then the Redneck said, "Give me some of that AIDS stuff." They gave him the shot, and the redneck fell down laughing. The guards looked at each other and wondered what was wrong with this guy. Then the Redneck said "Give me another one of those shots," so the guards did. Now he was laughing so hard, tears rolled from his eyes and he doubled over. So finally the warden said, "What the hell is wrong with you?" The Redneck replied, "You guys are so stupid..... I'm wearing a condom."

To: sandintoes who wrote (14209)	4/30/2000 1:36:00 PM
From: Susan G	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

sandintoes, that was great! Did you ever see this one? THINGS TO DO IN AN ELEVATOR: 1) When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you. 2) Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more. 3) Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones. 4) Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor you're on. 5) Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After awhile, let the doors close and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day been?" 6) Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!" 7) Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator. 8) Move your desk in to the elevator and whenever someone gets on, ask if they have an appointment. 9) Lay down a Twister mat and ask people if they'd like to play. 10) Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on ask them if they hear something ticking. 11) Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers. 12) Ask, "Did you feel that?" 13) Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally. 14) When the doors close, announce to the others, It's okay. Don't panic, they open up again." 15) Swat at flies that don't exist. 16) Tell people that you can see their aura. 17) Call out, "group hug!", then enforce it. 18) Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, "Shut up, all of you, just shut up!" 19) Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask, Got enough air in there?" 20) Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off. 21) Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in horror, "You're one of THEM!" and back away slowly. 22) Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers. 23) Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope. 24) Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button. 25) Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, and then announce, "I have new socks on." 26) Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers, "This is my personal space!"

To: sandintoes who wrote (14209)	4/30/2000 1:39:00 PM
From: Susan G	Respond to of 62549

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