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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Karen Lawrence who wrote (14232)	5/2/2000 8:04:00 AM
From: John Carragher	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

some new some old RED NECK HUMOR > > > > Did you hear about the South Carolina redneck who passed away and left his > >entire estate in trust for his beloved widow? > > She can't touch it till she's fourteen. > > ----------------------------------------------------------------------- > > What's the difference between a good ol' boy and a redneck? > > The good ol' boy raises livestock. The redneck gets emotionally involved. > >--------------------------------------------------------------------------- > --- > > What's the most popular pick-up line in Alabama? > > Nice tooth! > >---------------------------------------------------------------------- > > Emily Sue passed away and Bubba called 911. > > The 911 operator told Bubba that she would send someone out right away. > > "Where do you live?" asked the operator. > > Bubba replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive." > > The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me? > > "There was a long pause and finally Bubba said, > > "How 'bout if I drag her over to Oak Street and you pick her up there?" > > ----------------------------------------------------------------------- > >How do you know when your staying in a Kentucky hotel? > > When you call the front desk and say "I've gotta leak in my sink" and the > >person at the front desk says "go ahead." > > ----------------------------------------------------------------------- > > > > How can you tell if a Texas redneck is married? > >There is dried chewing tobacco on both sides of his pickup truck. > > ----------------------------------------------------------------------- > >Did you hear that they have raised the minimum drinking age inTennessee to > >32? > > It seems they want to keep alcohol out of the high schools! > > > > ----------------------------------------------------------------------- > > What do they call reruns of "Hee Haw" in Mississippi? > >A documentary. > >---------------------------------------------------------------------- > >How many rednecks does it take to eat possom? Two. One to eat, and one to > >watch out for traffic. > >----------------------------------------------------------------------- > > Why did God invent armadillos? > > So that Texas rednecks can have 'possum on the halfshell. > >----------------------------------------------------------------------- > > Where was the toothbrush invented? > > Oklahoma. If it was invented anywhere else it would have been called a > >teethbrush. > > ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > > > > Arkansas State trooper pulls over a pickup truck on I-40. He says to the > >driver, "Got any ID?" > >The driver says, "Bout what?" > >---------------------------------------------------------------------- > > Did you hear about the $3,000,000 Tennessee State Lottery? > > The winner gets $3 a year for a million years. > >------------------------------------------------------------------- > > Did you hear that the governor's mansion in Little Rock, Arkansas burned > >down? > > Yep. Pert' near took out the whole trailer park. > > > > ----------------------------------------------------------------------- > > > > A new law recently passed in North Carolina: > > When a couple gets divorced, they're still brother and sister. > >---------------------------------------------------------------------- > > What's the best thing to ever come out of Arkansas? > > I-40. > >----------------------------------------------------------------------- > > Two Mississippians are walking down different ends of a street toward each > >other, and one is carrying a sack. When they meet, one says,"Hey Tommy Ray, > >what'cha got in th' bag?" > >"Jus' some chickens." > >"If I guesses right can I keep 'em?" > >"Shoot, ya guesses right and I'll give you both of them." > > OK. Ummmmm . . . five?" > > ----------------------------------------------------------------------- > > What do a divorce in Alabama, a tornado in Kansas, and a hurricane in > >Florida have in common? > >Somebody's fixin' to lose them a trailer. > > > >--------------------------------------------------------------------------- -- > >A Mississippian came home and found his house on fire, he rushed next door, > >telephoned the fire department and shouted, "Hurry over here. My house is > on > >fire!" > >"OK," replied the fireman, "how do we get there?" > >"Shucks, don't you still have those big red trucks?" > >----------------------------------------------------------------------- > > Why do folks in Kentucky go to the movie theater in groups of 18 or more? > >'Cuz 17 and under not admitted. > >------------------------------------------------------------------- > > What do you get when you have 32 rednecks in the same room? > > A full set of teeth.

To: Karen Lawrence who wrote (14232)	5/2/2000 5:00:00 PM
From: Peter S. Maroulis	Read Replies (41) \| Respond to of 62549

During a course in human sexuality, the instructor was discussing various items in the Kinsey report. The class members gasped audibly when the instructor read out that a woman had several hundred orgasms in a single session. A male voice said, "Wow, who was she?" A female voice booms..."The hell with that...who was HE?!"

To: Karen Lawrence who wrote (14232)	5/10/2000 12:48:00 PM
From: Edwarda	Respond to of 62549

A couple, both 67, went to a sex therapist's office. The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?" The man said, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?" The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed. The doctor examined them and then directed them to disrobe and go at it. When the couple finished, the doctor reexamined them and, upon completion, advised the couple, "There's nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse." He then charged them $32. This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment, have intercourse with no apparent problems other than the lack of vigor which is to be expected in 67 year olds, get dressed, pay the doctor, and then leave. Finally after almost two months of this routine, the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to find out?" The old man said, "Oh, we're not trying to find out anything. She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married, so we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $60. The Hilton charges $78. We do it here for $32 and I get $28 back from Medicaid.

To: Karen Lawrence who wrote (14232)	5/10/2000 12:51:00 PM
From: Edwarda	Respond to of 62549

Any Woman's Ultimate Fantasy is to have two men at once. One cooking and the other cleaning Why are women so bad at mathematics? Because men keep telling them that this: \|<----------------------\| is 6 inches. What's a man's idea of helping with the housework? Lifting his legs while you vacuum. What is the difference between the G spot and a golf ball? What's the difference between a clitoris and a golf ball? A man will spend 15 minutes looking for a golf ball.

To: Karen Lawrence who wrote (14232)	5/10/2000 12:53:00 PM
From: Edwarda	Respond to of 62549

A highly politicised couple got married after many years of doubt about the wisdom of such a move. The problem was that they saw everything in political terms. He was a Conservative and she a staunch Labour supporter. On their honeymoon to Brighton, they were returning to their hotel after walking along the beachfront. Outside the hotel a beggar approached the man saying "Excuse me 'guvner, can you give me 50p for a cuppa tea?" The man refused and walked into the hotel. His wife was incensed. "If it wasn't for the Conservative Party that man would not be on the streets having to beg. And you refuse him a measly 50p." "If it wasn't for the failure of Labour Party economic policy he would have had a job and would not be begging!" A flaming row ensued, and the couple went to bed, back to back, furious with one another. After a lengthy silence, as a conciliatory gesture, the wife said to her husband, "There is a split in the Labour ranks, and if you can get the Conservative member to stand, he has a good chance of getting in!" Her husband replied, "The Conservative member has already stood and lost his deposit. Go to sleep."

To: Karen Lawrence who wrote (14232)	5/13/2000 3:28:00 PM
From: Edwarda	Respond to of 62549

What does it mean to come home to a man who will give you some love and tenderness? You're in the wrong house. How does a man make sex more interesting? He leaves town. MAN: "What would you say if I asked you to marry me?" WOMAN: "Nothing. I can't laugh and talk at the same time."