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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: The Rabbit who wrote (14261)	5/3/2000 11:19:00 AM
From: MrsNose	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62562

> CANADIAN JOKE #1 > > A Canadian is walking down the street > with a case of beer under his arm. > His friend Doug stops him and asks, > "Hey Bob! Whacha get the case of > beer for?" "I got it for my wife, eh." > answers Bob. > "Oh!" exclaims Doug, "Good trade." > > CANADIAN JOKE #2 > An Ontarian wanted to become a Newfie > (ie. a Newfoundlander) He went to the > neurosurgeon and asked, Is there > anything you can do to me that > would make me into a Newfie?". > "Sure it's easy." replied the neurosurgeon. > "All I have to do is cut out 1/3 of your > brain, and you'll b a Newfie." > The Ontarian was very pleased, and > immediately underwent the operation. > However, the neurosurgeon's knife slipped, > and instead of cutting 1/3 of the patient's > brain, the surgeon accidentally cut out 2/3 > of the patient's brain. > The neurosurgeon was terribly remorseful, > and waited impatiently beside the patient's > bed as the patient recovered from the anesthetic. > As soon as the patient was conscious, > the neurosurgeon said to him "I'm terribly > sorry, but there was a ghastly accident. > Instead of cutting out 1/3 of your brain, > I accidently cut out 2/3 of your brain." > The patient replied > "Qu'est-ce que vous avez dit, monsieur?" > > CANADIAN JOKE #3 > Did you hear about the war between > Newfoundland and Nova Scotia? > The Newfies were lobbing hand grenades; > the Nova Scotians were pulling the > pins and throwing them back. > > CANADIAN JOKE #4 > In Canada we have two seasons...... > six months of winter and six months > of poor snowmobiling. > > CANADIAN JOKE #5 > One day an Englishman, an American, > and a Canadian walked into a pub > together. They proceeded to each buy > a pint of Labatt Blue. Just as they were > about to enjoy their beverages, three flies > landed in each of their pints. > The Englishman pushed his beer away > from him in disgust. > The American fished the offending fly out > of his beer and continued drinking it as > if nothing happened. > The Canadian picked the fly out of his drink > and started shaking it over the pint, yelling, > "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT!!!" > > CANADIAN JOKE #6 > A Quebecer, staying in a hotel in Edmonton > phoned room service for some pepper. > "Black pepper, or white pepper?" asked > the concierge. > "Toilette pepper!" yelled the Quebecer. > > CANADIAN JOKE #7 > An American, a Scot and a Canadian were > in a terrible car accident. They were all > brought to the same emergency room, but > all three of them died before they arrived. > Just as they were about to put the toe tag on > the American, he stirred and opened his eyes. > Astonished, the doctors and nurses present > asked him what happened.... > "Well," said the American, "I remember the crash, > and then there was a beautiful light, and then the > Canadian and the Scot and I were standing at > the gates of heaven. > St.Peter approached us and said that we were > all too young to die, and said that for a donation > of $50, we could return to earth. So of course > pulled out my wallet and gave him the $50, and > the next thing I knew I was back here." > "Thats's amazing!" said the one of the doctors, > "But what happened to the other two?" > "Last I saw them," replied the American, > "the Scot was haggling over the price and the > Canadian was waiting for the government to pay his." > >