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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Barney who wrote (14333)	5/8/2000 10:10:00 AM
From: Edwarda	Read Replies (4) \| Respond to of 62558

> IF I HAD MY LIFE TO LIVE OVER - by Erma Bombeck > >>> > >>> > >>> I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of > >>> pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern > >>> if I weren't there for the day. > >>> > >>> I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a > >>> rose before it melted in storage. > >>> > >>> I would have talked less and listened more. > >>> > >>> I would have invited friends over to dinner even if > >>> the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded. > >>> > >>> I would have eaten the popcorn in the 'good' living > >>> room and worried much less about the dirt when > >>> someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace. > >>> I would have taken the time to listen to my > >>> grandfather ramble about his youth. > >>> > >>> I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled > >>> up on a summer day because my hair had just been > >>> teased and sprayed. > >>> > >>> I would have sat on the lawn with my children and not > >>> worried about grass stains. > >>> > >>> I would have cried and laughed less while watching > >>> television-and more while watching life. > >>> > >>> I would never have bought anything just because it was > >>> practical, wouldn't show soil, or was guaranteed to last a > >>> lifetime. > >>> > >>> Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd > >>> have cherished every moment and realized that the > >>> wonderment growing inside me was the only > >>> chance in life to assist God in a miracle. > >>> > >>> When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never > >>> have said, "Later. Now go get washed up for dinner." > >>> There would have been more "I love you's." More "I'm > >>> sorry's" > >>> > >>> ...But mostly, given another shot at life, I would > >>> seize every minute...look at it and really see it ... > >>> live it...and never give it back. > >>> > >>> Stop sweating the small stuff. Don't worry about who > >>> doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what. > >>> Instead, let's cherish the relationships we have with > >>> those who DO love us. Let's think about what God > >>> HAS blessed us with. > >>> > >>> And what we are doing each day to promote > >>> ourselves mentally, physically, emotionally, as well > >>> as spiritually. Life is too short to let it pass you > >>> by. We only have one shot at this and then it's gone. > >>> I hope you all have a blessed day.

To: Barney who wrote (14333)	5/8/2000 7:12:00 PM
From: XPLAY	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62558

SCHOOL EXCUSE NOTES: These are actual school excuse notes from parents, including spelling errors. My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him. Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot. Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33. Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating. Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip. John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face. Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part. Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins. Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side. Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels. Please excuse Tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea and his boots leak. Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust. Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's fault. Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday. Sally won't be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral. My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the Marines. Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well. Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps. Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover. Please excuse Burma, she has been sick and under the doctor. Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn't the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night.