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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Calvin Scott who wrote (14878)	6/6/2000 5:00:00 PM
From: Calvin Scott	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62550

Q. How do you tell the difference between a cow and a bull? A. Milk them both. The one that smiles is the bull. ************************************ Q: How many women with PMS does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: One. ONE!! And do you know WHY it only takes ONE? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb. They don?t even know the bulb is BURNED OUT. They would sit in this house in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it OUT. And once they figured it out they wouldn?t be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact that they?ve been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past SEVENTEEN YEARS. But if they did, by some miracle, find the light bulbs, TWO DAYS LATER the chair that they dragged from two rooms over to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE CRUMPLED WRAPPER THE STUPID! @#$% LIGHT BULBS CAME IN! WHY? BECAUSE NO ONE IN THIS HOUSE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE! IT?S A WONDER WE HAVEN?T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE 12 FEET DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE. THE HOUSE! THE HOUSE! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS... I?m sorry...what did you ask me?

To: Calvin Scott who wrote (14878)	6/6/2000 10:49:00 PM
From: sandintoes	Read Replies (3) \| Respond to of 62550

1. Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated. 2. Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite. 3. There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar. 4. The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing. 5. A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes. 6. There are more chickens than people in the world. 7. Two-thirds of the world's eggplant is grown in New Jersey. 8. The longest one-syllable word in the English language is "screeched." 9. On a Canadian two dollar bill, the flag flying over the Parliament building is an American flag. 10. All of the clocks in the movie "Pulp Fiction" are stuck on 4:20. 11. No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple. 12. "Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt". 13. All 50 states are listed across the top of the Lincoln Memorial on the back of the $5 bill. 14. Almonds are a member of the peach family. 15. Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance. 16. Maine is the only state whose name is just one syllable. 17. There are only four words in the English language which end in "dous": tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous. 18. Los Angeles' full name is "El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de los Angeles de Porciuncula" 19. A cat has 32 muscles in each ear. 20. An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. 21. Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur. 22. In most advertisements, the time displayed on a watch is 10:10. 23. Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer. 24. The characters Bert and Ernie on Sesame Street were named after Bert the cop and Ernie the taxi driver in Frank Capra's "It's a Wonderful Life." 25. A dragonfly has a life span of 24 hours. 26. A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds. 27. A dime has 118 ridges around the edge. 28. It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open. (DON'T try this @ home!) 29. The giant squid has the largest eyes in the world. 30. In England, the Speaker of the House is not allowed to speak. 31. The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket. 32. Mr. Rogers is an ordained minister. 33. The average person falls asleep in seven minutes. 34. There are 336 dimples on a regulation golf ball. 35. "Stewardesses" is the longest word that is typed with only the left hand.