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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: E who wrote (14994)	6/15/2000 1:31:00 PM
From: Calvin Scott	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

A new doctor is assigned to a mental patient, and watches day after day as the guy puts his ear to the wall and listens. The doctor is very curious, so one day he decides to see what the guy is listening to. The doctor puts his ear up to the wall and listens. The doctor turns to the guy and says, "I don't hear anything." The guy says, "Yeah, I know. It's been like that for months."

To: E who wrote (14994)	6/15/2000 1:32:00 PM
From: Calvin Scott	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

There was this magician of some repute who was hired to do his act aboard a cruise ship. He had been there for several years, and since the crowd was in continual change, he did the same act over and over. He enjoyed the good life in this sense, spending most his time out on the Promenade Deck working on his tan, not new tricks. One day the Captain bought a parrot, and over the months brought the parrot with him to see the nightly magic show. Being a smart parrot, the bird learned all the tricks as to where the cards, flower, etc. were hidden by the magician in his act. The bird would say, "The card is up his left sleeve, the flower is under the pot, he hid the money under his shoe..." Because the parrot would only take about a week to catch on to his magic tricks, the magician was forced to continually learn new ones, which was getting harder and harder by the day, and really cramping his "sun time." To put it mildly he hated the darn parrot, but since it was the Captain's he couldn't just weigh the bird down and drown it. Late one night the engine room exploded and the ship sank within minutes. Miraculously, the magician found himself clinging to a timber, floating in the water surrounded by darkness. Alas, he was the only one left alive! As the sun came up the next morning and he turned around what should be sitting 20 feet away on the opposite end of the log--his arch nemesis, the parrot! They glared at each other and said nothing. This went on for three days and neither said a word, just glared. On the fourth day the parrot finally broke the silence and said, "Okay! I give up. What did you do with the ship?"

To: E who wrote (14994)	6/17/2000 10:44:00 PM
From: John Messbauer	Respond to of 62549

A first grade teacher had a small number of children gathered around a table for a reading group. After the story was read she gave the children a work sheet to do. She thought they may have some problems so wanted them to work on it while still there. She heard a little girl say very softly "damn!". The teacher leaned over and said quietly, "We don't say that in school." The little girl looked at the teacher, her eyes got very big and she said, "Not even when things are all fucked up?!" ------------------------------------------------------------ SPOUSE, n: Someone who'll stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice!" ------------------------------------------------------------ Q: Did you hear about the girl who wanted to join the Army? A: She jumped over a campfire and got "Deferred."