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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: John Messbauer who wrote (15055)	6/19/2000 1:31:00 PM
From: Richnorth	Respond to of 62568

SAVE ONE A young Jewish couple had only recently set up housekeeping when an unfortunate incident occurred. Early one morning, the wife, drowsy from bed, went to the toilet for the morning's relief, and neglected to notice that the seat was up. When she sat, she kept going! She was just the right size and shape so that she became jammed into the toilet past her waist with her legs sticking straight up in front of her. She cried for her husband, who rushed in, and for the next hour tried desperately to extricate her. In this process they removed her sleeping gown, but this only left her naked and still stuck, with a particular part of her anatomy prominently visible between her splayed legs. Finally, the couple resolved to call a plumber, despite the embarrassing nature of their problem. When the plumber arrived, the young man let him in, but as they were walking to the bathroom, the young man realized that his wife was exposed in a very compromising and humiliating way. Thinking fast, he ran ahead of the plumber and placed the first thing he could think of, his yarmulke skull cap, over his wife's exposed privates. The plumber walked into the bathroom, took one long look, and commented: "Well, I think I can save your wife, buddy, but the Rabbi's a goner!" ___________________________________________________________ A Catholic priest, a Protestant reverend and a rabbi were sitting together on a train. They were discussing how they separate their own money from what they give to G-d. The Catholic guy said, "I stand in circle, put all my money in a hat, throw it up and what lands in the circle I give to G-d." The reverand said, "I put all my money in a hat, throw it up and what lands back in the hat I give to G-d." So the rabbi said,"I put all my money in a hat, throw it up and what stays in the air I give to G_d." ____________________________________________________________ A minister, a priest and a rabbi went for a hike one day. It was very hot. They were sweating and exhausted when they came upon a small lake. Since it was fairly secluded, they took off all their clothes and jumped in the water. Feeling refreshed, the trio decided to pick a few berries while enjoying their "freedom." As they were crossing an open area, who should come along but a group of ladies from town. Unable to get to their clothes in time, the minister and the priest covered their privates and the rabbi covered his face while they ran for cover. After the ladies had left and the men got their clothes back on, the minister and the priest asked the rabbi why he covered his face rather than his privates. The rabbi replied, "I don't know about you, but in MY congregation, it's my face they would recognize." ___________________________________________________________

To: John Messbauer who wrote (15055)	6/19/2000 1:33:00 PM
From: Richnorth	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 62568

The last confession. When nuns are admitted to heaven, they go through a special gate and are expected to make one last confession before becoming angels, Several are lined up at this gate waiting to be absolved of any sins before they are made holy. "And so," says St. Peter, "Have you ever had any contact with a penis?" "Well", says the first nun in line, "I once touched the penis of a sick man with the tip of my finger .when I was giving him a bath." "OK," says St. Peter, "Dip that finger in this container of holy water and move on to heaven." The next nun admits that, "Well, yes, I did once get carried away and I, you know, sort of massaged one a bit." "OK", says St. Peter, "Rinse your hand in the holy water and pass on to heaven." Suddenly there is some jostling in the line and one of the nuns is trying to cut in front. "Well now, what's going on here?" St.Peter inquired. "Well, St Peter," replied the nun who is trying to cut the queue, "If I'm going to have to gargle with the holy water in that container, I want to do it before Sister Mary Thomas sticks her arse in it."