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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: levy who wrote (15147)	6/25/2000 11:29:00 AM
From: Peter S. Maroulis	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

Subject: the moral of the story-- The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories. Kathy said, "My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg-laying hens. One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the pickup when we hit a bump in the road and all the eggs went flying and broke and made a mess." "And what's the moral of the story?" asked the teacher. "Don't put all your eggs in one basket!" "Very good," said the teacher. "Now, Lucy?" "Our family, are farmers too. But we raise chickens for the meat market. We had a dozen eggs one time, but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks And the moral to this story is, don't count your chickens until they're hatched." "That was a fine story Lucy. Johnny do you have a story to share?" "Yes, ma'am, my daddy told me this story about my Aunt Karen. Aunt Karen was a flight engineer in Desert Storm and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a bottle of whiskey, a machine gun and a machete. She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break and then she landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops. She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until she ran out of bullets, then she killed twenty more with the machete till the blade broke and then she killed the last ten with her bare hands. "Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, " What kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?" "Don't FUCK with Aunt Karen when she's been drinking."

To: levy who wrote (15147)	6/26/2000 9:11:00 AM
From: sandintoes	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

Have you ever wished you could remember Norm's greetings from Cheers? 1. "What's shaking, Norm?" "All four cheeks and a couple of chins." 2. "What's new, Normie?" "Terrorists, Sam. They've taken over my stomach and they're demanding beer." 3. "What'd you like, Normie?" "A reason to live. Give me another beer." 4. "What'll you have, Normie?" "Well, I'm in a gambling mood, Sammy. I'll take a glass of whatever comes out of that tap." "Looks like beer, Norm." "Call me Mister Lucky." 5. "Hey Norm, how's the world been treating you?" "Like a baby treats a diaper." 6. "What's the story, Mr. Peterson?" "The Bobsey Twins go to the brewery. Let's cut to the happy ending." 7. "Hey Mr. Peterson, there's a cold one waiting for you." "I know, if she calls, I'm not here." 8. "Beer, Norm?" "Have I gotten that predictable? Good." 9. "What's going on, Mr. Peterson?" "A flashing sign in my gut that says, 'Insert beer here.'" 10. "Whatcha up to, Norm?" "My ideal weight if I were eleven feet tall." 11. "How's it going, Mr. Peterson?" "Poor." "I'm sorry to hear that." "No, I mean pour." 12. "How's life treating you Norm?" "Like it caught me sleeping with its wife." 13. "Women. Can't live with 'em ... pass the beer nuts." 14. "What's going down, Normie?" "My butt cheeks on that bar stool." 15. "Pour you a beer, Mr. Peterson?" "All right, but stop me at one ... make that one-thirty." 16. "How's it going, Mr. Peterson?" "It's a dog-eat-dog world, Woody - and I'm wearing Milk Bone underwear." 17. "What's the story, Norm?" "Boy meets beer. Boy drinks beer. Boy meets another beer." 18. "What's going on, Mr. Peterson?" "The question is what's going in Mr. Peterson? A beer please, Woody." 19. "Can I pour you a beer, Mr. Peterson?" "A little early, isn't it, Woody?" "For a beer?" "No, for stupid questions."