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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: MrsNose who wrote (15280)	7/8/2000 3:00:14 PM
From: SIer formerly known as Joe B.	Respond to of 62566

Man Talk > "IT'S A GUY THING" > Translation: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with >it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical." > > "CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?" > Translation: "Why isn't it already on the table?" > > "UH HUH, SURE HONEY, OR YES DEAR" > Translation: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response. > > "IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN" > Translation: "I have no idea how it works." > > "I WAS LISTENING TO YOU. IT'S JUST THAT I HAVE THINGS ON MY MIND" > Translation: "I was wondering if that redhead over there is wearing a bra." > > "TAKE A BREAK HONEY, YOU'RE WORKING TOO HARD" > Translation: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner" > > "THAT'S INTERESTING DEAR" > Translation: "Are you still talking?" > > "YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS" > Translation: "I remember the theme song to F Troop, the address of the > first girl I ever kissed and the vehicle identification numbers of >every car I've ever owned,.... but I forgot your birthday." > > "I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU, AND GOT YOU THESE ROSES" > Translation: "The girl selling them was a real babe" > > "OH, DON'T FUSS, I JUST CUT MYSELF, IT'S NO BIG DEAL" > Translation: " I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death > before I admit that I'm hurt." > > "HEY, I'VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I'M DOING." > Translation: "And I sure hope I can think of some pretty soon." > > "I CAN'T FIND IT" > Translation: " It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm >completely clueless." > > "WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?" > Translation: "What did you catch me at?" > > "I HEARD YOU" > Translation: "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am > hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't >spend the next 3 days yelling at me." > > "YOU LOOK TERRIFIC" > Translation: "Oh, God, please don't try on one more outfit, I'm Starving." > > "I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE." > Translation: "No one will ever see us alive again." > > "WE SHARE THE HOUSEWORK" > Translation: "I make the messes, she cleans them up." ============================================================

To: MrsNose who wrote (15280)	7/11/2000 4:16:00 PM
From: Richnorth	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 62566

Q: Why do married men gain weight while bachelors don't ? A: Bachelors go to the refrigerator, see nothing they want, then go to bed. Married guys go to the bed, see nothing they want, then go to the refrigerator. --------------------------------------------------- At a silver wedding anniversary the husband was standing in one corner looking very sad. "What's the matter?" asked his friend. "Well, a week after marriage, I got fed up and wanted to kill my wife, but my lawyer said that I would get 25 years. Now I realise that today I would have been a free man." ----------------------------------------------------- A couple were in bed after celebrating their golden anniversary. The wife said, "Darling, embrace me the way you used to when we first got married." He did. "Now kiss me the way you used to...... He did. Now darling bite me the way you used to..... At this point the husband got out of bed and the wife said, "Where are you going, dear?" "To get my teeth," the husband replied. -------------------------------------------------------- During their silver anniversary, a wife reminded her husband : "Do you remember when you proposed to me, I was so overwhelmed that I didn't talk for an hour? " The hubby replied : "Yes, honey, that was the happiest hour of my life." ----------------------------------------------------------- When a bachelor marries, his wife has three qualities - she is an economist in the kitchen, an aristocrat in the living room and a devil in bed. After a few years, sure enough the three qualities remain, but alas - she is an aristocrat in the kitchen, a devil in the living room and an economist in bed. ------------------------------------------------------------ Adam and the Eve were the happiest and the luckiest couple in the world, because neither of them had a mother-in-law. ------------------------------------------------------------ If you want a perfect stereo for your car then let your wife sit in the front and your mother-in-law in the back. ----------------------------------------------------------- Two friends met. "You look sad, Fred, what's the trouble?" asked the first friend. "Domestic trouble." "But you always bragged that your wife is a pearl." "She still is. It's the mother-of-pearl that makes all the trouble."