Little Johnny's younger brother, Little Timmy, was opening up his Christmas present on Christmas morning. Inside was a big red fire truck, complete with sirens, a ringing bell, a moving ladder, and firemen that could be positioned all over the truck.
"Hey, Johnny, look what Santa brought ME!!! My fire truck is WAY cooler than anything Santa brought YOU!" Little Johnny replied, "Yeah, but I don't have cancer."
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The firemen finally get a huge fire under control, and Chief Mattea has all of his men accounted for except Olson and Rosolino. After a few minutes' search, the chief looks down an alley, and there's Rosolino, leaning over a trash can. His pants are down to his ankles, and Olson is banging away from behind.
Chief Mattea says, "What the hell is going on?"
Olson says, "Rosolino passed out from smoke inhalation."
The chief says, "Smoke inhalation? You're supposed to give him mouth-to-mouth resuscitation!"
Olson says, "I did, Chief. That's how this shit got started."
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A young fellow at the state fair stood watching an old Indian. Above the old Indian was a sign that read,-$5.00 - If I can't tell you where you're from, I'll pay you $50.00!"
The young man watched a cowboy approach the Indian and ask, "Is the sign right?"
The Indian says, "Yes." The cowboy hands him a five and says, "You're on!"
The Indian looks the cowboy up and down, noticing some cow dung on his boots and flatly states, "You're from Texas." The cowboy shakes his head and says, "I'll be darned! You're right!" and strolls away.
A second cowboy approaches the Indian and goes through the same routine. Handing him the fiver, he stands and watches as the Indian looks him up and down and notices a bit of straw and cow dung on his boots. The Indian says, "You're from Montana!" The cowboy, dejected as all get out, walks away.
The young man decides he's going to give the Indian a run for the money. He goes into the men's room, takes his boots off, scrubs them up, dries them off, nuts on a coat of polish and approaches the Indian. He hands the Indian a five-dollar bill and says, "Do your stuff!"
The Indian looks and looks, up and down, and appears to be befuddled. The young man is now thinking he's gone one up on the Indian.
The Indian finally says, "You're from Wyoming.!" The young man gets really upset and can't for the life of him figure out how the Indian could know that, so he asks, "How in the world did you know I'm from Wyoming ?" The Indian replies, "By the wool on your zipper..."
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One gay guy is trying to convince the other gay guy that he's pregnant.
The second guy says, "Well, if you are pregnant, who's the father?"
The first guy says,
"How the hell should I know? Do you think that I have eyes in the back of my head?" |
