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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: PMS Witch who wrote (15580)	8/7/2000 8:51:00 PM
From: Dalin	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. (Hardly seems worth it) If you fart consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb. (Now that's more like it) A pig's orgasm lasts for 30 minutes. (In my next life I want to be a pig) (How'd they figure this out, and why?) Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour. (Still can't get over that pig thing) (Don't try this at home...maybe at work?) Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure. (Is that why Flipper was always smiling?) (And pigs get 30-minute orgasms? Doesn't seem fair) The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. (Hmmmmmmmmm........) Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people do. (If you're ambidextrous do you split the difference?) The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated. (From drinking little bottles of...?) (Did taxpayers pay for this research??) Polar bears are left handed. (Who knew....? Who cares? How'd they find out, ask them?) The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds. (What can be so tasty on the bottom of the pond?) The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field. (30 minutes...can you imagine?? And why pigs?) A cockroach will live nine days without it's head, before it starves to death. (Creepy) The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off. (Honey, I'm home. What the he....) (Well, at least pigs get a break there...) Some lions mate over 50 times a day. (In my next life I still want to be a pig... quality over quantity) Butterflies taste with their feet. (Oh, geez) (That's almost as bad as catfish) An ostrich's eye is bigger than it's brain. (I know some people like that.) Starfish don't have brains. (I know some people like that too.) After reading all these, all I can say is.............Lucky Pigs ! :0) D.

To: PMS Witch who wrote (15580)	8/7/2000 9:19:59 PM
From: Richnorth	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 62549

With so many stupid parents as common as hydrogen in the universe, just imagine the stresses and heartaches teachers have to endure in the classrooms of today !!! And believe it or not: many a parent often parrot this line, "My kid does not need the stress from his/her teacher because he/she is already experiencing enough stress growing up; so get off his/her back and put up or scram!!!"

To: PMS Witch who wrote (15580)	8/8/2000 8:54:45 AM
From: Mike 2.0	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 62549

Take some comfort in knowing these animals will be taken to the cleaners to pay for our pension, and when it's their turn: The cupboard will be bare. Actually that does not make me happy at all. The massive Ponzi scheme known as Social Security may not be around when I'm ready to retire! Plus I am not ready yet to write off a whole generation. I read a recent ageist piece published by Ann Landers (maybe make that "Spam Landers")...if you had replaced references to youth with references to blacks or Jews, you would have a hate article any klansman would be proud to call his own. She later acknowledged an avalanche of angry mail from teens who did not take kindly (justifiably so) to it. Spam Landers responded with a contrite '50 lashes with a wet noodle', insincere apology. They ought to drag her kicking and screaming off the newspaper pages. The sad thing is, I suppose elderly people who regard her stuff as sarcosanct, and who already are afraid to leave their homes for any reason (shut-in syndrome...all they see of the outside world is violence of the 6:00 news) probably taped this hate message to their refrigerator. Sad. Anyway, cheers...don't let one poopy kid and lobotomized parents jade you on a whole generation! Mike 2.0 ObJoke: here is the text from a recent political cartoon: Philadelphia GOP Convention Protest Scorecard Number of arrests: 350+ Number of cars in traffic jams caused by protestors: 10,000+ Number of coherent protest messages: 0