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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: sandintoes who wrote (15990)	9/4/2000 7:14:45 PM
From: MrsNose	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

Are they doing that again?? Saw a program about it on Discovery Channel or something, hubby & I were just shaking our heads. A little too California for us.

To: sandintoes who wrote (15990)	9/6/2000 12:10:28 PM
From: Neenny	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

"Special Occasions" (as copy and pasted from email....LOL) My mother taught me to read when I was 3 years old (her first mistake). One day, I was in the bathroom and noticed one of the cabinet doors was ajar I read the box in the cabinet. I then asked my mother why she was keeping napkins in the bathroom. Didn't they belong in the kitchen? Not wanting to burden me with unnecessary facts she told me that those were for special occasions. Now fast forward a few months. It's Thanksgiving Day, and my folks are leaving to pick up the pastor and his wife for dinner. Mom had assignments for all of us while they were gone. Mine was to set the table. When they returned, the pastor came in first and immediately burst into laughter. Next came his wife who gasped, then began giggling. Next came my father, who roared with laughter. Then came Mom, who almost died of embarrassment when she saw each place setting on the table with a "special occasion" napkin at each plate, with the fork carefully arranged on top. I had even tucked the little tails in so they didn't hang off the edge. My mother asked me why I used these and, of course, my response sent the other adults into further fits of laughter. "But Mom, you SAID they were for special occasions!"

To: sandintoes who wrote (15990)	9/6/2000 4:17:07 PM
From: Susan G	Read Replies (3) \| Respond to of 62549

A transcript of the new answering service recently installed at the Farnborough Institute for Mental Health: Hello and welcome to the mental health hotline... If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly. If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you. If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6. If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call. If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the Mother ship. If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press. If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, No-one will answer anyway. If you are dyslexic, press 96699696969696969. If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the hash key until a representative comes on the line. If you have amnesia press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number and your mother's maiden name. If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 000. If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All our operators are too busy to talk to you.