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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: MrsNose who wrote (21219)	11/12/2001 8:58:03 AM
From: Peter S. Maroulis	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 62592

The Hard-Working Wife One day Steve came home after losing a lot of money playing golf. A short while later his wife, Julie, came home from work wearing a new fur coat. "Hey, where'd you get that coat?" he asked her. "Can you believe? My boss won on a lottery ticket and this was my share!" she explained. A week later, Julie drove home a new car and once again explained that it was all part of the lottery winnings. A few weeks after that she came home wearing an expensive necklace and matching earrings. She came home a few nights later and told Steve she was very tired and asked if he could please start a bath for her. But when she got to the bathroom, there was only an inch of water in the tub. "Why did you put in so little water?" she asked her husband. "Well, WE DON'T WANT YOUR LOTTERY TICKET GETTING TOO WET NOW, DO WE?" --------------- Afghani-TV: Try to SURVIVE- Here Taliban forces living in Afghanistan, scrabbling for food, and voting as to who should have to guard the Antiaircraft weaponry Who Wants To Eat Tonight? Self-explanatory game show, hosted by Taliban leaders who haven't yet crawled into caves. This Old Rubble Fix-it-up tips for your own rubble pile. The Shah of Queens A poor sap destroys one of the tallest buildings in the world for the promise of 72 virgins when he dies. He arrives in hell and discovers they are all men killed in an explosion at The World Trade Center. Saddam's Family A very weird family lives in a strange place with hairy relatives and severed limbs all over the place. Animal Jam It An in-depth look at what Osama Bin Laden does with his free nights. --------- An old couple was sitting on the porch in their rockers, when the wife took her cane and hit him on the head as hard as she could. After he got over the stun he asked,"What was that for?" "That's for all the bad sex you've been giving me over the years", she replied. After a while the husband took his cane and hit her so hard it knocked her completely out of the chair. As she got back in the chair and gathered herself she asked,"Now what was that for?" He replied, "For knowing the difference."

To: MrsNose who wrote (21219)	11/12/2001 9:07:26 AM
From: Peter S. Maroulis	Respond to of 62592

Repeat Perhaps Subject: QUOTES FROM WOMEN ABOUT WOMEN I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and career. -Gloria Steinem You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy. -Erica Jong The phrase "working mother" is redundant. -Jane Sellman When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. -Elayne Boosler A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car. -Carrie Snow Inside every older person is a younger person - wondering what the hell happened. I refuse to think of them as chin hairs. I think of them as stray eyebrows. -Janette Barber Whoever thought up the word "Mammogram"? Every time I hear it, I think I'm supposed to put my breast in an envelope and send it to someone. -Jan King Old age ain't no place for sissies. -Bette Davis A man's got to do what a man's got to do. A woman must do what he can't. -Rhonda Hansome Whatever women must do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult. -Charlotte Whitton Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart. -Caryn Leschen I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once. -Jennifer Unlimited If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning. -Catherine Aird I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I 'm not dumb and I'm also not blonde. -Dolly Parton If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing them. -Sue Grafton I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on. -Roseanne Barr I think---therefore I'm single. -Lizz Winstead Behind every successful man is a surprised woman. -Maryon Pearson in politics, if you want anything said, ask a man - if you want anything done, ask a woman. -Margaret Thatcher If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a noose around your neck? -Linda Ellerbee I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house. -Zsa Zsa Gabor Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission. -Eleanor Roosevelt