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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: bosquedog who wrote (22327)	1/31/2002 6:01:47 PM
From: Karen Lawrence	Respond to of 62558

Contortionist recidivists: James Clyde Shields, 35, became the latest person in custody to escape by driving off in a law-enforcement patrol car despite having been handcuffed with his arms behind him. Shields had been arrested on drug-manufacturing charges near Vancouver, Wash., in August, and was momentarily left in the back seat of the locked (but engine-running) car. He pulled his hands underneath him to be in front of him, opened the Plexiglas shield, squeezed into the front seat, got behind the wheel, and led a chase up Interstate 5 before crashing into a pole. Said a sheriff's sergeant, of Shields' limberness, "I know I couldn't do (that)." [The Oregonian, 8-27-01]

To: bosquedog who wrote (22327)	1/31/2002 6:02:29 PM
From: bosquedog	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 62558

Signs Your Dog is an Alcoholic Wakes up looking for a little hair o' the human who bit him. Won't go near that darn chuck wagon, but when the bar cart rolls through, he's off like a shot. Lately, you've noticed that he'll even hump a really UGLY leg. No matter what you throw for him to fetch, always returns with a bottle of Cuervo and a lime. Chases pink elephants around the yard instead of squirrels. The only game he'll play with you is "Quarters." Justifies quantities consumed by reasoning that they are in "dog beers." Won't drink out of the toilet unless there's an olive in it. Just signed to do a remake of "Old Yeller" with Kelsey Grammer and Robert Downey, Jr. After a few too many at the office party, tries to pick up the boss's bitch. "Ri ruv you, man!!" He used to bark -- now he just belches the chorus to "Louie, Louie."