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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Karen Lawrence who wrote (23847)	6/15/2002 10:30:49 AM
From: Barney	Respond to of 62558

What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway).

To: Karen Lawrence who wrote (23847)	6/15/2002 1:01:39 PM
From: xr1	Respond to of 62558

"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman." The priest asks, "Is that you, little Tommy Shaughnessy?" "Yes, Father, it is." "And, who was the woman you were with?" "Sure and I can't be tellin' you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation." "Well, Tommy, I'm sure to find out sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now. Was it Brenda O'Malley?" "I cannot say." "Was it Patricia Kelly?" "I'll never tell." "Was it Liz Shannon?" "I'm sorry, but I can't name her." "Was it Cathy Morgan?" "My lips are sealed." "Was it Fiona McDonald, then?" "Please, Father, I cannot tell you." The priest sighs in frustration. "You're a steadfast lad, Tommy Shaughnessy, and I admire that. But you've sinned, and you must atone. You cannot attend church for three months. Be off with you now." Tommy walks back to his pew. His friend Sean slides over and whispers, "What'd you get?" "Three month's vacation and five good leads," says Tommy.

To: Karen Lawrence who wrote (23847)	6/17/2002 12:16:45 PM
From: The Philosopher	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 62558

You might be a redneck pilot if...... Your stall warning plays DIXIE. Your cross country flight plan uses flea markets as check points. You think sectionals should show trailer parks. You've ever used moonshine as AvGas. Your 172's wheel pants have mud flaps with a reclining nude. Your toothpick keeps poking your mike. You've ever taxied around the airport just drinking beer. You wouldn't be caught dead in a Grumman Yankee. You use an old Purina Dog Chow sack as a wind sock. You constantly confuse Beechcraft with Beechnut. You think GPS stands for GOING PERFECTLY STRAIGHT. You refer to formation flying as "We got us a convoy." Your matched set of lightweight flying luggage is 3 grocery bags from Piggly Wiggly. You have a gun rack in the rear window. You have more than one roll of duct tape holding your cowling on. You figure mud and manure in your weight and balance calculations. You siphon gas from your tractor to go flying. You've never landed at an actual airport even though you've beenflying for over 20 years. You've ground looped after hitting a cow. You consider anything over 100 ft AGL as HIGH altitude flying. There are parts on your airplane labeled JOHN DEERE. You've never seen a real sectional, but own all the TEXACO road mapsfor your area. There's exhaust residue on the right side of your airplane and tobaccostains on the left. You have to buzz the strip to chase off the cows and sheep. You use your parachute for a portable hanger. You've landed on Main Street for a cup of coffee. The tread pattern, IF any, on all three of your tires is different. You have a pair of fuzzy dice hanging from the magnetic compass. You put hay in the back seat so your dogs don't get cold. You've got matching bumper stickers on each side of the vertical fin. There's grass stains on the tips of your propeller. Your hanger collapses and 4 of your best dogs are killed. Somewhere on your plane there's a bumper sticker that reads "I'drather be fishin'." You navigate with your ADF tuned to only AM country stations. You think an ultralight is a sissy new beer from BUDWEISER. Just before the crash, everybody on the UNICOM frequency heard you say,"Hey Y'all watch this!"