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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Karen Lawrence who wrote (23988)	7/3/2002 10:05:00 AM
From: John Carragher	Respond to of 62558

QUOTES < 1) "I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, >wholesome things that money can buy." - Tom Clancy 2) "You know that 'look' women get when they want sex? Me neither." - Steve Martin 3) "Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as >meaningless experiences go, its pretty damned good." - Drew Carey 4) "Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand." - Woody Allen 5) "If it weren't for pickpockets I'd have no sex life at all." - Rodney Dangerfield 6) "Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night." - Woody Allen 7) "I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty." - George Burns 8) "It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married." -Matt Barry 9) "Leaving sex to the feminists is like letting your dog vacation at the taxidermist." - Camille Paglia 10) "Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope." - George Burns 11) "Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation. The other eight are unimportant." - Henry Miller 12) "The Bible contains six admonishments to homosexuals and 362 admonishments to heterosexuals. That doesn't mean that God doesn't love heterosexuals. It's just that they need more supervision." - Lynn Lavner 13) "There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz SL500 convertible."

To: Karen Lawrence who wrote (23988)	7/3/2002 10:11:52 AM
From: Barney	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62558

A farmer lived on a quiet rural highway. But, as time rolled on, the population grew and the traffic became so heavy and so fast that his chickens were being run down at a rate of four to seven a day... One mornin' he called the sheriff and said, "Alrite now Nick, you've gotta do something about all of these speeders killing all of my chickens." "What do you want me to do?" asked the sheriff. "I don't care, just do something about those dang drivers." So the next day he had the county go out and put up a sign that said: "SLOW – SCHOOL CROSSING. Three days later the farmer called the sheriff and said, "Nick, c'mon now, you gotta do something about these drivers! The 'school crossing' sign seems to make them go faster." So, again, the sheriff sends out the county maintenance and they put up a new sign: "SLOW - CHILDREN AT PLAY." And that really sped them up... So the farmer finally calls and tells the sherriff "Your signs are doing no durn good. I'll put up my own sign!" The sheriff told him, "Sure thing, put up your own sign." He was going to let the farmer do just about anything in order to have him stop calling. Well, the sheriff got no more calls from the farmer. Three weeks after the farmers last call, the sheriff decided to call him. "How's the problem with those drivers, Clem? Did you put up your sign?" "Oh, I sure did. Ain't lost one chicken since then. I've got to go. I'm very busy." And he hung up the phone. The sheriff thought to himself, "I'd better go to that farmer's house and look at that sign. There might be something there that WE could use to slow down drivers..." So the sheriff drove out to the farmer's house, and he saw the sign. It was a whole sheet of plywood. And written in large yellow letters were the words: "SLOW: NUDIST COLONY."